Archive for bright light energy lamp
>On the road again…
>
I went to bed early last night and took some extra tranquilizers and managed to sleep through the night, which was very pleasant and something I needed to do. It felt very good to fall into a sound sleep and to wake up refreshed and not tired anymore. Initially I only had one reheated cup of coffee, but I just decided to make a fresh pot, so that I will be ready to take care of some much needed to do chores and get those out of the way while it is still early in the day. I have to take advantage of the momentum and the courage that I still have early in the morning, before all of the anxiety hits me. I have to pay bills and get some packages ready for the mail and then actually go to the post office to mail them. That will be the real test of my courage.
It’s terrible not to know where your mood is going to take you on a day. I am rather insecure right now and unsure of how I will be able to pull things off. I’m going to act as if everything is okay and I can do whatever comes my way without the least amount of trouble, but that’s not how it feels inside. I feel like I should perform some magic ritual to make to outcome more sure and to make myself more steady. If I drink just the right amount of coffee and smoke just the right amount of cigarettes, maybe everything will turn out right. Of course, I should also take my medicines on time and not a minute too late or too early.
I have turned on the day light therapy lamp just in case that’s going to alleviate my mood some. I hope it helps and I will use it for a while and see if it makes a difference. I should know after a few days if it does.
Tyke is sound asleep on the sofa and has not let me know yet that he needs to go for a walk. He is snoring just a little bit and it sounds very cozy. Gandhi is asleep in the armchair, my favorite chair to sit in, but she’s welcome to it for now. I’ll be sitting behind the computer for a while yet. I can pay all the bills on line. At least those are the conveniences of these modern times. Thank goodness for them.
The day is starting. The paper delivery person has just come by. It is the first noise I’ve heard this morning. He does ride on an irritating sounding scooter. What a way to wake up the neighborhood.
I think I will walk Tyke first and pay the bills next. It will be good to get some fresh air while it is still relatively quiet outside and the traffic hasn’t started up yet. It’s just beginning to become dawn.
Have a good day.
Ciao,
Nora
>Completely…
>
It’s in the middle of the night and I’m completely wide awake, smoking the last of my cigarettes until I go to the pharmacy first thing in the morning to pick up my nicotine patches. When I first got up I was miserable and grumpy and out of sorts and chain smoking, until I had my cup of coffee and then I was okay and a more reasonable human being. Coffee does set me to rights and I can never do without it. It’s like a medicine to me. I sorts out my brain. I’m convinced of the healing powers of caffeine in my case. I don’t know what it does for you, but for me it is a very positive experience.
I read blogs, which I was behind on, and left comments on most of them. Some of them I had not read in three days, so I was shamefully behind. I had not been in the proper mood and could not bring myself to read them, let alone comment on them. I am caught up now and can relax again. I feel I’ve had my enjoyment and done my duty. I read some blogs that I hardly ever comment on, because I feel a little bit like a stranger there, but I’m a faithful follower. I hope the fact that I show up counts for enough.
I had not planned to stay up, but now that I am, I am going to make the most of it and enjoy myself. I’m in such a good mood now that I want to take advantage of that and let the situation last as long as possible. I’m not going to spoil it by going to bed. There’s not a hair on my head that’s thinking about it anyway. I’m too excited to go to bed just now.
I do have very interesting dreams when I sleep and I wonder how much they are influenced by what I hear on the radio while I’m asleep. I have elements in my dreams that were not there before, so I’m sure they are coming from outside, but I give my own twist to them and incorporate them into my own fantasies. Music is part of it and I do dream about that regularly, but have people play it whom I know very well. Or have them sing songs. Still, although I listen to a Dutch radio station, all my dreams take place in the English language, of that I’m sure, and I find that interesting. My dreams are all very dramatic and look like large screen movie productions with special effects and a music score and everything. Like a filmed opera, I suppose. There’s wailing going on too, sometimes. Lord only knows what I listen to at night.
I talked to my sister yesterday and she told me that her party went on until 2:30 in the morning. Can you imagine lasting that long? I would have called it quits by midnight. I’m so obviously not a party animal and my sister so obviously is. She always has a lot of fun in a crowd of people. I do better in small intimate groups. She’s a very outgoing person, a real extrovert and shares herself with anyone and everybody. I’m more introverted and private and share myself sparingly. Except on my blog, that’s the exception. I share myself here because I can be contemplative and choose my words carefully and show what I want to show, although I’m not that secretive about myself. For the most part, I’m pretty open and tell it like it is in a mostly rational way.
For the past few days I’ve felt a bit down and I thought that maybe I was getting depressed, but it seems to have lifted now and I feel better. I suppose those are just the natural cycles that people go through that I have to get used to. Not every mood has to have a significant meaning, except for the last one I had, which was distinctly hypomanic and could have gotten me into a lot of trouble. As it is, the damage was relatively small and I didn’t do anything too crazy, except for buying a new sofa and coffee table and area rug. That’s still within reason, just about. I’m going to pay them off with the money I save on the tobacco I won’t be buying anymore. That adds up to a large amount of money.
I’m afraid of the black dog that’s always stalking me in the background, but maybe he will stay in the background this season. I’ve had years when he didn’t appear at all, and maybe this will be one of them. I’m as prepared as I can be and have all systems in place. I know I can count on the light therapy lamp to elevate my mood, there’s no doubt about that. It’s a shame that I had lost faith in it and didn’t use it last year. It would have saved me a lot of bother.
Yesterday afternoon I didn’t have an Internet connection. I reset the modem four times, unsuccessfully. I finally called the help desk and they talked me through the procedure and it turned out in the end that the cable in the hard drive wasn’t plugged in properly. Duh! I think Tyke must have pulled it loose when he went to retrieve his ball. It sure puzzled me and I hadn’t thought of that solution, but I will from now on. It will be the first place I look if and when it happens again. You learn a new lesson every day. It makes you appear a little dumb, but I don’t care about that. Let them think what they want, as long as I have my connection back.
Well, I’m going to enjoy the last hours of my smoking life. I have to stock up on some air freshener and Febrèze. I’m going to treat the whole apartment and do lots of laundry. I will have the place smelling good in no time.
Have a good day!
Ciao,
Nora
>No fooling around now…
>
That pill that allows me to fall asleep only keeps me asleep for a few hours and then I’m wide awake again. It’s not a real sleeping pill, which is good, because I’ve heard from people who take those that they are very groggy in the morning and that they suffer the consequences of them the next day. At least I don’t have that. I am wide awake after it has worn off and any sleeping I do later, I do on my own. I may as well try and get off it and it is one of the things I will try to do soon. First I have to quit smoking.
The day went well yesterday. Everybody came and went and the Exfactor put the coffee table together without any trouble. It is very nice and solid. The area rug arrived while he was working on it, so we put it in place and then put the coffee table on top of it. The area rug is dark gray and the coffee table is black. It looks good and will look even better when the sofa is in place.
After the Exfactor left. I walked to the flower shop with Tyke and bought two large ivy plants in square, lime green pots. I put one on the coffee table along with a sculpture, so now Tyke can’t jump on top of it. He’s been foiled. He does like the rug very much and likes to lie down on it. It is soft and warm. I put the other ivy on the dining table, to pull the interior together. I do have to make sure that I always have a bouquet of flowers, because it cheers the place up so very much. I have to make a point of that.
I’m not hypomanic anymore. I came down to earth yesterday afternoon and now I am completely calm and sober minded. I hadn’t realized that I was hypomanic until I stopped being it and then it became clear to me. I suspected it last week, but thought I was over it. It’s a relief not to be it anymore, because I was outshouting myself. Making too much noise, having too many stars in my eyes. Now I’m down to a manageable level and I’m going at an easier pace. It’s a more realistic state of mind to quit smoking in.
I like being this calm me. I am almost sedate. At least I’m more introspective and I like that. I’m not on the run for anything. The hypomanic me got a lot of things done, the calm me gets to enjoy them. I can be more objective like this and think about things in a more rational way, without high running emotions. I also feel that I can rest and be quiet and that everything will happen in its own good time. The last thing I want to do now is turn on the light therapy lamp. That will turn me back up.
My sister is giving a house warming party tonight and she has invited lots of people. If only half of them show up, it will be a full house. She’ll have food and drinks and good company. I will make it a point not to drink too much wine. I do have to ride my bike home.
Have a good day!
Ciao,
Nora
>Nothing like it…
>
There’s nothing like a cold glass of milk when you’re quenching your thirst, except that you then want a second and third one and I do have to draw the line somewhere, don’t I? I’ll run out of milk before it’s shopping day if I don’t. And it does make your body cold all over if you have more than one ice cold glass, which makes you want to put on your bathrobe for warmth. I just did that, because I couldn’t resist temptation. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak.
I was asleep already, but was awakened by my neighbors a few houses down who are having a cocktail party in their back garden. There’s a cacophony of laughing and shouting voices, no doubt helped along by some alcohol. I’ll have to close my window when I go to sleep next or they will have stopped their party by that time. Maybe all the people will be driven inside by the cold. It’s only 11C outside, after all. They must all be out there with jackets on. Maybe these are all the guests that smoke cigarettes. If so, there are many of them.
The day went by fine. I walked Tyke three times and all three times he acted like a runaway elephant from the circus. He hopped, skipped and jumped all over the place, he was that happy to be outside. He was 18 months old yesterday and still acts and looks like a puppy. He is endearing when you see him and everybody wants to pet him, especially old ladies.
I read my novel, which I now realize is a “feel good” novel. I’ll finish it nevertheless, because it is interesting enough and I’m far enough into it to stop reading it. I do want to know how it ends, but it’s not the sort of novel I would normally read. It’s a little bit too simple for that. I like one with more darker aspects to it. In this one someone is either a good guy or a bad guy, and the good guys are really good. Unconditionally so. It seems a movie has been made of this book, but I don’t know how well it did in the theaters.
I watched a program about Alma Mahler, the wife of Gustav Mahler, who married two Jews in a time when it was not so popular to and she made her escape with her second husband to California and later to New York. When she went back after the war to reclaim her property in Austria, she was asked by the judge why she as a nice Christian woman had married two Jewish men, at which point she left Austria and never returned. She composed music of her own, but gave it all up when she married Mahler, who could not stand a wife who also composed. He thought she had to live in service of him. Her second husband was more broadminded and gave her all sorts of room to develop herself. His name was Franz Werzel who wrote the book The Song of Bernadette. It was a promise he made if they were to escape the Nazis.
This program was part of the cultural programming that’s on television on Saturdays, which is very rewarding and deals with art and literature and architecture. I do get my fill on Saturdays and so appreciate that. Especially since I get to do so very few cultural things myself. I do hunger for these things and am very curious about them. I took two classes in art history in California and I’m fascinated by the subject, so anything like it is fine with me, but I also like modern art, although it doesn’t always make sense to me and expressionism gives me a headache. And that’s not even modern anymore. I like Karel Appel very much. His are very happy and lively paintings with lots of primary colors. They are like bursts of energy. If I could paint like that, I would be very happy.
For some reason, there are sports commentaries on talk radio on the weekends and I’m not too thrilled about that. I’d rather listen to something more interesting than a rehash on some football game that was played that afternoon. I suppose on the weekends sports are all that count, at least at the time that I go to bed and want to listen to the radio. I fall asleep anyway, because it’s so darn boring, but I’d rather listen to a subject that I really care about and that is somewhat enriching to my intellect. Last night there was a piece on about a very good gymnast who had been caught using cocaine and I say, that’s plain stupid, but why waste 30 minutes on it, as it happened some time ago. I’m sure we’re not all going to run out and use cocaine now unless we’re warned off by the example. Sometimes the public is thought to be simple.
Sundays are a day of rest, but I’m going to change my bed and do a load of laundry. I’m also washing the fleece blankets that I have on the sofa and armchair. The yellow and red one. I also have to remember to water the plants again. The spider plant is taking quite a beating from the animals. They both want to chew on it. For some reason it is a very fascinating plant to them with its spiky leaves. They chew all the babies off. I’ll have to get another less attractive plant to put on the dining table and move this one to a less vulnerable spot, wherever that is. Somewhere safe from Gandhi, on the bookcase probably. She can’t get in there and it will be safe from Tyke too. It will give the spider plant a proper chance to grow like it should and become abundant.
I had to stop using my light therapy lamp, as it was making me hypomanic, or had I already mentioned that? It seems that when you use it when you’re not depressed, this happens. I went up and up and up and then came down with a crash and then returned to normal, but I haven’t used the lamp since. I didn’t realize that could happen and used it as a preventive measure, which turned out to be not a good idea. You only should use it when you’re really depressed and not when you think you may become so down the line. I suppose I’m still getting enough hours of daylight for this not to be the case. It’s not nice to fool mother nature. Another lesson learned.
I need to make an appointment to get my hair cut as it is now becoming unmanageable. It’s too long to brush it into the proper shape and I look funny. I also ran out of hairspray and now I can’t do a thing with it because it is fly away hair. If I sleep on it wrong it sticks out in a funky direction. I thought about letting it grow, but I don’t like that awkward in between stage and I would rather have it cut short again. Besides, I need the pampering that a visit to the hair salon brings with it. I’m looking forward to it. I deserve it. I am woman hear me roar…
I’ve been wearing my multi colored floral dress, but I think I will change into my burgundy colored India cotton dress with pockets today. I have a nice silky scarf that goes with it. I can make myself happy in anticipation about which clothes I’m going to wear. It is a treat to myself, even if I don’t share it with anybody else. I do it for my own satisfaction and to look good when I walk Tyke. I am a city woman, after all. I can’t walk around in grungy clothes. I dress up always, even for unimportant things. Besides, I don’t have grungy clothes. I don’t have old clothes to wear for dirty jobs either. I just don’t do dirty jobs.
It’s in the very wee hours of the morning now, optimistically speaking. There’s some time to go until dawn. I think the neighbors’ party is over, it’s quiet out there now and I did hear a bunch of people leave some time ago. Tyke’s sound asleep in the armchair and Gandhi is asleep on the sofa. I’ve got to clean the kitchen up a little bit and I’ll do that before I go to bed again. I’m not sleepy, but for the heck of it I’ll go back to bed. A person does have to be sensible and I did just now yawn.
I hope you all have a nice day.
Ciao,
Nora
>So early in the morning…
>
Here I am with my cup of coffee and my cigarette. I have read blogs and left comments and answered my emails. For some reason my latest post got published without the ability to leave comments and I tried to fix it, but to no avail. I hope this doesn’t happen again. I would hate to have a problem with blogger that’s going to be hard to fix. I want no frustration like that at all.
I have just turned on the light therapy lamp and the bright light of it is making my eyes squint in the early morning darkness. It is like a wake up call. Like going out in the bright sunshine. No doubt I will be perky as the early bird in no time at all. That, along with my coffee, should get me off to a good start. I will no doubt be as energetic as a go cart in the shortest amount of time and have limitless amounts of get up and go. I can hear my engine revving up now. It just needs a little more fuel.
The book I started reading yesterday afternoon turns out to be very good. The subject matter is fascinating and it is very well written. There is not a hitch in it. It reads as easily as downing a plate of very good fettuccine with real Italian cheese. It is a true pleasure. The premise of the book is a difficult one and the story is complicated and not an easy subject, but she writes about it beautifully and convincingly. You look forward with a certain amount of dread, but with a lot of curiosity, to the real circumstances of the drowning of the sister and the almost drowning of the child who is so traumatized. The main character of the book is a force to be reckoned with, although quite disturbed. The father is a man of yet unknown strengths.
I sat in my armchair with a tall glass of milk and the reading light by my side and an extra pillow for comfort and read the rest of the afternoon into the evening until it was time to watch the news. I didn’t read it when I went to bed at night. I merely got under the duvet and laid there in the semi dark and waited for sleep to come, which it did quickly. I thought about my blogging friends and what they would be doing at that particular time and I tried to imagine them in their lives, knowing all that I know about them, while at the same time knowing so little.
This morning the Exfactor is coming by to do the groceries and have coffee, although he can’t stay late because he has to work in the afternoon. It will be a short visit, but it will be nice nevertheless. I have to stay home in the afternoon and wait for my package to be delivered. Hopefully that won’t take too long. They are usually here some time in the middle of the afternoon and not some time around 6 pm when they could also come.
I’m going to set up the radio/CD player right away in my bedroom and find a pleasant radio station to listen to so I will be ready to turn it on at night when I go to sleep. I also have to find those CD’s of nature sounds that are somewhere in the collection and some pleasantly serene classical music ones. I want to be well prepared. I haven’t had a radio in a while so I’m curious to see which stations I will be able to receive. I hope for a pleasant jazz station and for a station that plays a lot of baroque. No operas and romantic classical music, please. No Mahler, but Eric Satie would be nice. That reminds me, I have double CD’s of his music.
It’s only 8C outside right now. I stood by the back door and welcomed the cold air on my body. It was very refreshing. It wasn’t raining, but the sky was partly cloudy. I did see the moon and it was in its third quarter. Last night, when I went to sleep, the bedroom was chilly and it felt great to get under the duvet. I had bare arms, so I was a bit cold. I still have to get an extra cover for the bed to put over the duvet. I thought I had something in the closet somewhere, but I have not found it yet. Maybe it is in one of the boxes in the spare bedroom. I’ll have to have a look.
I’m all done drinking coffee now. Three cups are more than enough. That’s all I can handle. As it is, I have to throw the last little bit away into the kitchen sink. Coffee is great to drink and it does wonders for your mental health, but too much of it is no good either. I’m down to three cups a day and I think that’s enough of a good thing. I have to get into the habit of drinking tea, but I have to buy a teapot and a tea cozy. That will go on the list of things I want for my birthday. I like making proper pots of tea and not dunking teabags in a tea glass.
I’m off to start the day. I have to take my medicines and get dressed and walk Tyke. He’s very impatiently breathing down my neck. Gandhi is also, I know not for what reason.
I hope you all have a nice day. The weather looks very dubious here. I could get wet.
Ciao,
Nora
>What I did with my Sunday…
>
I finally did manage to get to bed some time early in the morning after having been up all night amusing myself behind the computer and thinking I would never go to sleep. I need not have despaired, though, because when I was finally in bed I slept like a rock in a hidden meadow.
I do vaguely remember getting up once to let Tyke out, but I didn’t really wake up properly to do this. With half closed eyes I made it to the back door and back to my bed and went on sleeping until some time in the afternoon. Tyke slept on the bed with me and was very cooperative. I couldn’t ask for a better dog.
I made myself a half a pot of coffee when I got up and soon was completely back to my senses. I felt pretty darn good and ready to enjoy what was left of the day. So was Tyke and we wrestled and played together and I made him speak. He thought it was funny that I barked and he did bark in return, but sometimes he gazes at me with a puzzled look and his head held to one side as if he doesn’t quite believe what he’s seeing. I do so appreciate a dog with a sense of humor. I do have to get my timing right.
It’s been raining all afternoon, but you all know how much I like that and I think it’s very cozy. It makes me feel very sheltered and safe inside the apartment. It is dark in here, but that’s why I have the light in the corner of the living room turned on. Tyke is sitting in front of the window enjoying the view. It’s now become a habit that he sits there and it’s another way for him to amuse himself. He does very often have to share his space with Gandhi as they both like to sit there.
I haven’t gotten out of my pajamas yet and think I won’t because it has now become evening and I think I won’t be going anywhere. I do very much appreciate a lazy Sunday like this and I’m glad I got to sleep so late. Your brain functions better on a happier plane when it’s had enough sleep and you can’t fool your body.
I’m not going to turn on my Bright Light Energy Lamp, because I think I’ve got quite enough energy. I’m afraid it will make me hyper if I do. I think it’s too late in the day for it too. It’s best turned on in the morning when starting the day. I think I used it too late in the day yesterday and that’s why I made it such a late night. I just couldn’t come down out of the clouds and settle down to a lower plane.
I still have to look through the top shelf of my closet and see what’s up there. It is a hard shelf to get to, because everything tumbles down once you start pulling things out. I also keep my winter sweaters there and it’s a cramped space as a result. Maybe I’ll find things there that I’ve forgotten about, but it will definitely be the last place where such things can be. I will have covered every conceivable place where clothes can hide. The fact that I’ve lost weight makes it interesting to find things, because I never know it those clothes are going to fit me or if I have to put them in the bag with lost causes, so I do have mixed feelings about that.
I still haven’t figured out a proper way to store my shoes and my boots. I have the ones I don’t wear in a big box and I should go through them and discard the ones I won’t ever wear again. The ones I do wear are put away wherever I think they are safe from Tyke. That’s wherever I can fit them and that’s not very organized. I do know where they all are, but I think I need a better system. I think the most important thing is to get rid of the old ones. I’m sure I can make the recycle shop happy with the ones that are still in good shape. That will be a chore that I will have to apply myself to one of these days. I will plan it in my head first and then carry it out. The same way I finally cleaned up the closet.
It looks like autumn outside and it feels like it too. It is only 13C and even inside it has gotten quite a bit cooler. That’s nice, because it has been too warm in here all summer. It’s finally gotten down to 21C. It’s stormy outside and there’s actually a draft in here, which makes it nice and cool. I did have to put on my bathrobe to keep from getting too chilled. There’s nothing better than hanging around in your bathrobe. That used to be called cocooning. I think it’s gone out of fashion. It’s a leftover from the 80’s, I think. Having been a yuppie I should know these things. Or rather, having been the wife of one.
I’ve got to clean the place up a bit for the domestic help tomorrow in case I don’t wake up in time in the morning. I can just see myself sleep late again. It was such a nice experience today. I can highly recommend it. I have some chores to do and I will try and do them now. There’s no sense in wasting time and I am wide awake again. I have to tire myself out a bit.
Have a nice evening. It’s raining buckets here.
Ciao,
Nora
>Music and comedy…
>
I haven’t been to bed yet, although it is well past midnight. I’ve spent the whole evening watching music and comedy videos on YouTube and I have been very well amused. The time flew by and I laughed a lot at the comedians and was moved by the music. It does a person good to have the emotions moved to a greater degree than just the ordinary every day ones. It sure felt good and it was worth staying up for. I feel like I’ve had a night out.
Of course, now I’m so wide awake that I won’t be able to go to sleep for a while. I have to sit here for a bit and calm down and get in a go-to-bed mode. I’ve only been drinking milk for the past couple of hours, I haven’t had any coffee for a long time. I should get tired soon, although maybe it would help if I heated the milk up. But wait, I’ve just yawned for the first time, so there is hope. Maybe writing a blog post makes me sleepy.
I’ve used the Bright Light Energy Lamp for several hours today. Besides having it on this morning, I also had it on later in the day while I sat behind the computer. Maybe I got too much of it and that is why I’m so full of energy. I must make sure I get enough darkness now. I do have to get enough hours of sleep, but tomorrow is Sunday and that means sleeping as late as Tyke will let me. That energetic little guy does wake me up when he has to go outside. Well, he is house broken, so what can I expect, right?
I discovered a top in my closet that I had no knowledge of and I put it on right away. It has three quarter sleeves, so it is perfect for this weather. I don’t know where I got it, but it fits. I seem to remember another top that I’m supposed to have in my possession and I have to go look on the top shelf and see if it’s there. I only have some vague idea of what it looks like. I do know it’s black, but I don’t remember if it has long or short sleeves.
I did do the ironing, by the way. I found a summer jacket that had been in the ironing basket for ages and I had forgotten all about its existence. It’s a short, beige, cotton jacket with metal snap buttons. I ironed it and didn’t even try it on, I think it will fit. I hung it on the coat rack and will try it on in the morning. That’s exceptionally incurious of me and I don’t know how I got that way either. I remember buying it a long time ago, but I don’t remember wearing it. I must not have been very fond of it. I also found two pairs of Capri pants that I didn’t realize I had. It’s kind of late in the year for them now, unless we get a hot spell.
I think I will dye the jacket black. As a matter of fact, I think I have the dye to do it somewhere in a kitchen cabinet. I’ll have to look for it. I will like the jacket better black.
I’m so wide awake, I’m not going to worry about what time I’ll go to sleep. It will just be whenever. I’m going to sit here as long as I’m comfortable. I will take my sleep medication, that may be a good idea. My body is going to crave it and it would not be good to suddenly withhold it. I do have to decrease one medication at the time and not try to do everything at once.
I’m going to put on my pajamas and my bathrobe and get at least ready for bed. Then I’ll be halfway there.
Have a good night if you’re about ready to go to bed, if not, have a good morning.
Ciao,
Nora
>Hurray, Saturday!
>
What could be a better day than Saturday? It’s the most perfect day of the week. It’s a day to celebrate, no matter how quietly and sedately, in my own particular way. I love the fact that the day stretches out ahead of me with no obligations and no appointments and no chores to do. It is an absolutely free day in which I can do, or not do, whatever I want. I can completely indulge myself and that’s exactly what I intent to do. The best part is that I will have no feelings of guilt about this. That’s it, guilt free living and enjoying it. Isn’t that great? Every day of the week ought to be like that. It would be like living in paradise. I think that’s how it was supposed to be. I have to find a way to always do this and still achieve the things I have to do. Be responsible and yet feel free and not under constant pressure to achieve. There’s got to be a way to do that. It’s all in the mindset I’m sure.
I went to bed at a reasonable time, because I could not stay up later for want of sleep. I postponed it as long as I could, but finally had to go to bed because I was so tired. I did read my book for awhile, but was soon sound asleep. It was so comfortable in my bed and I couldn’t think of a better place to be. I have this particular duvet cover that’s very nice to sleep under and I’m always glad when it’s on my bed. It’s really one for cooler weather and it’s exceptionally cozy and smooth to the touch. Last night was a perfect night for it, because it was cooler and I had the window open. I’m sure it helps me sleep better and I’d like to get another one like it. I’ll have to make a trip to Ikea. I think that’s where I got it.
It’s nice to be up again and I have the Bright Light Energy Lamp on as I write this. I will have it on every morning as I sit behind the computer from now on until the springtime. I didn’t do this last year and I think it was a big mistake and I can’t really give a good explanation for why I didn’t use it. It was definitely an error in my thinking.
I’ve made a pot of coffee and it tastes great. I’ve got the amount of ground coffee right and each pot turns out well. I had to get used to the taste as opposed to the Senseo coffee, but that happened soon enough. I like this coffee now and it really is no hardship to make a pot. It is done quick enough and I hardly have to wait at all. The coffee cups stay cleaner too. The Senseo coffee always left behind a scummy layer in the cups that was hard to wash out. I don’t have that problem now. I can rinse out my cup and have it clean and reuse it again. It saves on the dishes. That’s always a big motivating factor for me.
I had so much energy yesterday morning, that I had gotten a bunch of chores done before it was even 8 o’clock. I surprised myself. I took a break and watched the news and decided to save the dishes until my personal helper got here so that we would have something to do together. I’m taking care of a lot of things independently of her now and I hardly need her help, but we are already making plans for this winter when possibly things may get more difficult. I’m entitled to 6 hours worth of help during the week and it may come in handy if I need it. I’m doing everything I can to prevent a depression from happening, but I don’t know how much I am in command of that. Time will tell. It’s good to know that I have back up if I need it. Last winter was very bad and I’m going to do everything I can to prevent that from happening again.
I had forgotten to water my plants and they were very droopy. I felt so bad for neglecting them. I hadn’t watered them in more than 2 weeks. It had completely slipped my mind. When I realized that, I very quickly watered all of them and prayed that they would recuperate. At first nothing happened and they all looked as bad as they did before and I thought I had been too late, but this morning they all looked perked up and strong again, so I guess I got lucky and they are okay. They were completely dried out, though, and I must make sure that doesn’t happen again. I can only have very forgiving plants. I don’t take care well enough of them to have demanding plants. They would die immediately. The plants that I have can go without water for 10 days, but that’s the maximum. I’m not a very good plant owner. It’s all a hit and run business. I do take better care of Gandhi and Tyke and don’t forget to feed and water them.
I did the laundry early yesterday morning and was hanging it up to dry in no time. I had washed some of my clothes along with the sheets and am glad that I don’t have to iron any of them, although there are some clothes in the ironing basket that I still have to iron, but those are clothes that I will be wearing this fall. That job can be postponed until it is inevitable. So far I am still mostly wearing my summer clothes with the odd cardigan on top. It hasn’t really been all that cold yet. A jacket has been sufficient to wear outside, inside the apartment it is still warm enough to go with bare arms. It just doesn’t seem to cool off in here.
In the last couple of days we’ve had as much rain as normally falls in a whole month. It’s all part of the climate change and the experts warn that we have to count on this happening more often in the summertime. Large amounts of rain will come down from the sky in a short amount of time. This will happen along with periods of extreme heat as we had in July. It is said that September will bring better weather. Maybe we will have an Indian summer. It will be nice if it’s true. I didn’t like the heat in July and was very uncomfortable because it was so humid. I don’t care for too much heat when it’s humid. I don’t deal with it well at all. I wouldn’t do well in the tropics. I am used to the heat in California, which was dry and bearable. Even in the desert it was not as awful up to a point, as long as you stayed out of the direct sunlight and were close to a swimming pool and the nights were wonderful. There were so many stars visible in the sky that it felt as though the heavens were going to fall down on you.
I’ve had three cups of coffee and I think that’s quite enough. That’s how many I made. I will switch to fruit juice next to quench my thirst. I’m sitting here in my bathrobe and I feel a slight draft by my bare feet. My toes are cold. It is only 10C outside, so that is quite chilly. That’s the coldest it has been so far. It is only going to be 17C today and rain is predicted, but I won’t pay too much attention to that because it never gets as bad here as is forecast. It will be a treat to walk Tyke in the cold air. I wonder if he will get chilled with his short haircut? He doesn’t have much to warm him, but maybe he’s a tough dog.
I’m off to enjoy my Saturday. I will find interesting things to do and keep myself out of trouble. Maybe today would be a good day to do the ironing after all. It would be a useful way to fill up some time and I would know that I had gotten that done and that I was ready for the fall. I am also curious as to how those clothes fit me.
Have a good day and enjoy your weekend. It is still August, so it’s still officially summer no matter what impression the weather gives.
Ciao,
Nora
>Brewing coffee…
>
I’m learning to brew coffee in my new coffeemaker. How much ground coffee to use for 4 cups or for 6 cups, which translates into 2 or 3 mugs of coffee. I like my coffee strong, so I put heaping spoons full into the filter. It’s awful if I don’t put enough ground coffee into it, because I end up with a weak brew that I drink nevertheless, because I don’t want to waste it, although I would if it were really undrinkable, or so I tell myself. I’m on a learning curve and almost have it right now. I’ve got good ground coffee, so that’s not the problem. It’s just measuring the coffee right that’s the trick. I do want to be known for my good cups of coffee. I have my reputation to think of.
I slept 10 hours last night after having written my last post. It helped to go to bed late and then sleep in one fell swoop, so I’m going to do that again tonight. I won’t worry about what time I go to bed and I’ll wait until I’m really good and tired. There will be no more going to bed early before the sun goes down. Going to bed with the chickens. Besides, the sun goes down earlier every evening and pretty soon I would be going to bed at dinnertime. Bed has been so tempting, but I think it has been a way to end the day prematurely and not really a place to go because I was so very sleepy and tired. I can do like I did this evening and take a short nap on the sofa.
I went to see my SPN today under my umbrella. It was raining half an hour before I had to see her, so I walked over there, not willing to go on my bike and get soaking wet. It only takes me 20 minutes to walk over there if I don’t dawdle. It was good to see her and we had a nice talk. I told her that I had discovered that as the norm goes, I’m actually quite normal. She was happy to hear that. I think she is glad that I made that discovery, because she wants me to think of myself as normal as possible. I think she likes the fact that I’ve found out that the population at large is not nearly as sane as I thought it was and that everybody has their issues. I don’t need to feel so odd. It’s not necessary.
She also felt it was time for the Bright Light Energy Lamp, so I’m going to put it in place tomorrow. I have a spot on my desk where it will fit and I can sit in front of it for at least half an hour every day. I do have to do this in the mornings as much as possible, because it is energizing.
I finished Deja Dead by Kathy Reichs last night and I will begin reading A Place of Hiding by Elizabeth George tonight. As far as I can tell, it is not an Inspector Linley mystery, but a Simon St. James one. I have never had one like it, so it will be a new experience. It will be a thriller and that is the main thing. I do like her thrillers and she does have a fascinating way of telling a story. She is good with details. Deja Dead was gruesome and fascinating as well, but you do have to have nerves of steel. Kathy Reichs does know how to tell a scary story and she goes into great detail about the dead bodies. You have to guard yourself against that. Her books are very suspenseful, though.
I’ve mooched a couple of books and I have more coming. I have sent books and have one more to send. I’m glad my older sister gave me money that I could use to send those books with. I have a wish list with enough books to choose from for now. As a matter of fact, I’ve just been terribly distracted and browsed for more books and added those to my list. I had quite forgotten about Doris Lessing and how much I liked her. I have some of her books and read more in the past, but there are many more I want to own. I’ve also gone to bol.com and added books to my wish list there. It’s ever growing and there will never be an end to it.
It’s been raining off and on all evening and it’s supposed to tomorrow as well. I find it quite cozy. If I had a good coat, I would go out in it. Not that I’m a glutton for punishment. It doesn’t come pouring down. They’re just gentle showers.
I think I will go change my bed and lie down in it. I’m ready to read that book and I’m ready to go to sleep, I think. I hope I don’t wake up in the middle of the night. I must stay in bed and read and try to go back to sleep if I do. I think that’s the best solution. I think getting up and drinking coffee is not at all a good idea. Why did I ever think it was? How silly of me.
Tyke’s done climbing on the table and has settled down by my feet. He has the right idea. He knows it’s bedtime. I think Gandhi has gone out no matter what the weather is like. She does have to prowl the neighborhood. I’m sure she has her dry spots to hang out in.
Sleep tight, have a good night.
Ciao,
Nora
>A little stress?
>
It is possible that with the approach of autumn I’ve been feeling a little more stress lately. Needless to say that shows up in the posts I’ve been writing. I think there’s been the undertone of just a bit of neurosis in them and the last thing I want to do is come across as a neurotic woman. That means that I have to regroup and get my act together. I have to practice a bit of mindfulness and not let my high strung emotions run away with me.
The best way to do that is to take deep breaths and slow down and stop and think about what I’m doing. To take inventory of myself and my feelings and how I want to react to them and what I should do instead of acting in a knee jerk fashion. I can’t run around like a chicken with its head cut off, I do have more sense than that.
One thing I won’t do anymore is go around making broad statements about myself. I will not say that I am something or other simply because I have decided that for a moment it is what I am most like. That’s dangerous and putting myself in a box with a label in which I possibly don’t belong. Besides, I don’t want to put myself in a box with a label. That’s too restrictive and doesn’t describe all of the many facets which also make me who I am. So, broad statements are out. I won’t pin myself down.
I have to be mindful of the shorter days and the way the light slants in the afternoon. It is autumn light and the stormy weather and the rain make it feel like autumn too. It’s mostly the light, though, that makes the difference and I know it. I’m familiar with the color of the sunlight at the end of the day at this time of year and I’m familiar with the feelings of nostalgia and sadness that hit me. I think it’s time to bring out the Bright Light Energy Lamp and to sit in front of it half an hour every day.
Anyway, I’m sitting here with my cup of coffee in the middle of the night. I woke up because Tyke was pestering Gandhi, but I think I would have woken up anyway because I always do. I don’t really need an excuse for that. It has finally stopped storming, which it did all day yesterday well into the evening. There was a very strong wind, which rattled the bedroom window and pulled at the window shade. There is a clear sky outside and all is silent, which it usually has a tendency to be at night. If it were winter now, it would be snowing. That’s how silent it is.
Tyke has finally settled down after initially thinking that exciting things were going to happen because I was up. We go through this every night and you would think that he would have caught on by now that nothing is going to happen. He’s asleep on the sofa now and as innocent as a puppy, which in many ways he still is. Gandhi has settled down in the used paper box. I guess she figured that was the safest place to be away from Tyke who adores her too much. He’s completely smitten with her.
My boots got here yesterday, but I haven’t taken a photo of them yet, nor have I taken photos of Gandhi and Tyke. I will do that today if I think of it. The boots fit well and they are the right size. I can even wear thick socks with them this winter. I sprayed them with a protective layer immediately because they are suede and I spilled milk on them right away which I could wipe off easily.
I’m almost done using the coffee pads for the Senseo machine and will be putting the regular coffeemaker to use soon. I’ve got the filter coffee and put it in glass cannisters with tight lids to guard the freshness. The Senseo machine is a mess now and constantly leaks and is ready to be put to pasture. No amount of vinegar is going to save it. I’m surprised it hasn’t completely come apart yet. I will never have another Senseo machine again considering the expense and the relatively short lifetime.
I’ve been wearing my short, black, leather jacket and I’m glad I’ve got it because the weather has been blustery. The wind has a cold edge to it and I think it’s just a little bit too cold for just a cardigan. But that may just be me and I may be more susceptible to the cold, although I like the cool weather. I like dressing up for it and I’m glad I get to wear some clothes that I like and my black leather jacket is one of them. It’s got handy pockets for when I take Tyke for a walk. I don’t have to carry my keys and the baggies in my hands for lack of pockets.
I remember when I bought that jacket and I was so pleased with it. I thought it was going to be warm enough for winter, but that proved to be wrong. It’s not warm enough when it gets real cold. I need my other leather jacket for that or even my thick suede coat with the furry liner. I’ve got this incredibly long, warm scarf now that I can wrap around my neck at least twice. That ought to keep me warm enough. I’ve also got my dress up scarves to wear when the weather gets cooler. I do want to buy some new gloves that are a little bit more fashionable and that match my scarf. The pairs I have now are the wrong color and outdated and not as thick as I would like.
You see, in my mind I’m getting ready for winter and it isn’t even fall yet. I’m mentally preparing myself for it. I don’t want to be caught unawares. I hope it’s not going to be the same long hard winter we had last year, but I’m prepared for anything. But first I have to prepare myself for fall and its beautiful colors. I hope I have the energy to take Tyke for long walks and see the beauty of the changing colors of the trees. I wonder when that change is going to start?
I’m going to try and go back to sleep again. I should be good for a few more hours, though I really feel like staying up, but it’s too early. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.
Have a good day when you get up.
Ciao,
Nora
Another Splendid Day 