Archive for December, 2009
>Don’t spare the wounded.
>
I’ve just gotten up for the second time today. I was up earlier this morning and had coffee and answered my emails, but I was way too tired still and went back to bed and had a few more hours of sleep. Now I’m having my second attempt at being awake and hopefully I’ll make it this time.
My relationship, if you could even give it that name, with J. has come to an end. I wrote him an email in which I asked for some more things than I was getting now. A date on which I knew he would be by again, longer weekends than just the 24 hours that he came by for, some sort of steady schedule, expressions of love, shared vacations (he was planning his vacation while he was here last), and other tokens of dedication. I got an email back from him saying that he could not give me those things, that he did not want a more steady relationship with me and that he was already having his doubts about the fairness of this one.
I can only say that I feel a great deal of relief and liberation that I don’t have to do this “relationship” anymore, because it felt like a lot of emotional work, and when you are in a dysfunctional situation, you start to behave dysfunctionally, which is something I was certainly doing. You try to make your behavior make sense, but somehow it is impossible, which is not that strange, considering that it doesn’t make sense and that you should get yourself out of the situation. Thankfully, it didn’t take me all that long to figure it out this time. I have stayed in dysfunctional situations longer in the past. Much longer.
I can’t blame him for letting me get into the situation I found myself in. He thought he had made himself clear from the start, but I had read something more into it, being a female and having more needs. I thought I could handle what I assumed I was getting into, but my expectations were just a little bit higher than his and they became even higher over this past weekend when I actually fell in love momentarily, although I knew instinctively that I could not allow it. So, I can’t say that I have been used, although I do feel that way. But that is because of my own gullibility. I have allowed myself to be used.
And really, he had the time to stay longer this weekend, but he did not, which got my hackles up just a bit, because he was so eager to go home, although he had the rest of the week off. But I was ever so nice and understanding and thought he needed the time on his own. If he was seriously into the “relationship” he would have stayed longer, of course, and we could have done some things “normal” couples do. I was obviously not a priority. You see, underneath it all there is some bitterness.
In the meantime, I’ve walked the dog and it was dry, although we are supposed to have rain showers today. It is 9C outside, so it isn’t too cold at all. If it rains, I should go stand out in it and let it wash all over me and be cleansed by it. Although I doubt I’d have the nerve to stand out there naked as I should. Like a heathen being cleansed by the rain gods.
Well, I guess that’s all I have to tell you for now. I’ve pretty much wasted the afternoon on this subject. Well, not quite, I have some time left to do other things. Like clean up the kitchen. Tomorrow I have to do the groceries on my bike, because my sister is in Italy. I’m so looking forward to that. Not! I also have to go to the post office. It will again be the withdrawal of me from society for a bit. The usual crawling into my hole. Playing peekaboo with the world.
Have a good day!
Ciao,
Nora
>Down to earth again…
>
Well, I did go lie down on the sofa again and slept for a few more hours. When I fell asleep, Gandhi was grooming my hair, which was very pleasant and I thought people should be like chimpanzees and always groom each other. When I woke up, it was time to walk the dog and of course it was still raining. So we walked in the rain again, but now I’m having a nice cup of warm coffee and the dog is having a bone. Gandhi barfed on the area rug, so I still have to clean that up, which is a job I am postponing, but the thought of which is in the back of my head the whole time I am writing this. It’s the voice of my conscientiousness speaking. I can’t get away from that.
Another thought I can’t get away from is the one about the man in my life and me. I don’t know how to proceed from this point forward, because I’m confused about my own feelings, which are very ambivalent. When he was here, and we were right in the middle of our passion, everything seemed very clear to me, but now that he’s gone, and I have locked up my heart again, it seems that I could very well live my life without him in it and that it would be much less complicated. I don’t know if the situation is complicated, or if I’m making it complicated by thinking about it too much.
I don’t know, for instance, when I will see him again and when I asked him in an email, I got a very curt answer that he didn’t know when. I didn’t react to this. I felt as if I had asked for too much and maybe I did put the pressure on too much. My reaction is to fall silent and to not say another thing.
I think for a short 24 hours of passion, maybe it’s not worth the hassle I put myself through consequently, but that is purely my problem and not his. I’m the one who makes it so very hard for myself and has problems with this kind of a relationship. Or maybe I would have problems with any kind of a relationship and I’m just not ready for one. Or ever will be. I’m too unhappy afterwards. I see too many ghosts.
I wish I wasn’t so darn exhausted. I think the exhaustion is purely emotional. I want to eat and sleep and do nothing else. I’m having a tall glass of juice now to perk me up and it is helping somewhat, though I think I will have another cup of coffee after this. I haven’t seen a cup of coffee I didn’t like, at least not here in the Netherlands.
I think I will put my pajamas on and pretend it is lounge wear. That along with my bathrobe and my slippers will keep me warm. I’ll skip the coffee and get ready to go to bed early. I’ll have another glass of juice instead. That seems like a more sensible thing to do.
Have a good night.
Ciao,
Nora
>Do as I say, not as I do.
>
I woke up early and couldn’t sleep anymore. I felt I had to write another post to offset the one I had written last night that was so bitter and gloomy. Things always look different in the morning, right? So here I am with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes to make a new start and to toss some optimism your way. Today we are seeing the glass half full and not half empty like we did last night.
First we put on some nice music to get in the proper mood, which needs to be mellow,and it is quickly found here. Then we sit up straight in our chair and with our back straight and our feet crossed at the ankles and a perky look on our face we proceed.
You see how I talk about myself as the royal “we,” as if things have gone to my head and I have formed an attitude. Maybe people should speak about themselves in that way every so often to give a little boost to their self esteem. It’s nice to think of yourself as a multitude instead of just one single person with one little voice that gets outshouted in the masses. I will definitely go through life as a “we” in the apartment today, if not in the outside world. It may be harder to pull off there, although I can secretly think it. Alas, lines at the post office will not suddenly shorten because I stand in it.
When you are a “we,” you speak with authority and with a certain disdain for what other lesser mortals think. You feel yourself lifted above the masses and look down with pity and disregard on the rest of manhood. Suddenly you are not one of “them” anymore. You may not even be mortal any longer, but who is going to try and test that theory?
So I (as in “we”) have decided that I am more than worthy of any love anyone choses to bestow on me and that I should never doubt the sincerity of it. It is ridiculous to think that I would deserve anything less, being of elevated stature and nature and understanding of the meaning of the word in all its nuances. I know the limits of human ability to apply it and I know also the human ability to rise to the occasion and reach greater heights in it if that is called for.
Therefor I will wait patiently, which I can afford as a royal “we,” and wait and see whatever the day choses to bring me to judge my decisions on. I will be as wise as Solomon. I will be patient and mindful and merciful in my judgments and not shout hastily for the death penalty for love. I will weigh each decision on a golden balance. I will be fair.
So, now then, I am taking “us” back to bed to sleep some more and to feel quite cozy under the duvet. I’m sure to be up and about and alert when I need to be.
Ciao,
Nora
>Another Monday Night.
>
After not having gotten quite enough sleep this weekend, I just took a large nap on the sofa and caught up on some much needed rest. I slept for over three hours, meaning that I’ll just about be wide awake when I should be getting ready to go to bed in an hour or two, but that’s a bridge I’ll cross when I get there. There are sleeping pills to take, after all, and one extra won’t hurt me if it comes to that.
Now, I’ve been sitting here for fifteen minutes not typing, trying to figure out how to proceed from this point forward. Of course, I want to share all sorts of things with you, but I don’t know if I can. For one thing, it won’t just be me I’ll be talking about and my emotions are so mixed up right now, because I’ve just said goodbye and that is always hard to do. Saying goodbye makes me a tougher nut to crack, and I know it does, so that colors the picture that I would be about to paint for you.
When I say goodbye to someone, I haul up the drawbridge and man the ramparts and put guards in each lookout tower. Emotionally I do that. That’s to guard my feelings from a major overdose of grief. I start that process before the person has even left, but is about to, and I feel myself withdrawing behind my walls as the time to part draws nearer. I want to say many things, but I don’t, and suddenly I don’t like or love the person as much as I did before. I stop caring about them as much. You understand why, don’t you? It’s to keep from feeling hurt when they leave me. It’s really a shame, because I push away all the lovely feelings I had and don’t allow them to rise to the surface.
Then I pretend that I look forward to my time alone and that I will do lots of fun things when I am. Which is a load of bull, because I always fall into a little black hole after they’ve gone. I climb back out of it as quickly as I can, but I fall into it nevertheless. I then wait for a signal of love to come to me from the other person. It has to be an overt signal of love. It can’t just be a sign of life. It has to have significant meaning or else my heart will harden and I will tighten up the chains to the drawbridge and put locks on them. Only when a significant signal has been received, do I let down my guard and allow myself to feel those lovely thoughts again. And then the process of love and anticipation can start all over again.
How’s that? That’s some explanation, isn’t it? My heart has hardened right now and I’m ready to put those locks on, proving that I’m still the mistress of my own castle. I still have my life to live and my own value as a human being. I will do as I see fit and nothing else until I have been satisfied that I can trust my own instincts again.
Despite the late hour, I’m going to have one more cup of coffee, because I’m just a wee bit sleepy, but I am looking forward to going to bed and reading my book. Being alone isn’t all bad. You do get to sleep in your own bed, for one thing. And your dog doesn’t jealously watch you cuddle on the sofa.
Ciao,
Nora
>Languidly sitting in my chair.
>
I’ve got some sleeping left to do, but I’ll do that later when I’m more in the mood for it. I woke up a while ago in my tiny bed, sleeping next to a certain person, and it was very warm and comfortable, but a little cramped. So I got up, ready to continue sleeping on the sofa, but I got waylaid by the computer and the Senseo machine and I thought I would just sit down in the quiet of the early morning and try to write a post, but I’ve got a problem.
How do you tell what an absolutely splendid and lovely time you’re having without giving the other person’s secrets away? Just speak for myself?
I’m having an absolutely splendid and lovely time and it is ever so much better and lovelier than the first time and so very much more intimate and affectionate. Speaking for myself, I can say this is love in all the best senses of the word. And I’m not worried, because I’m not hopelessly in love like a foolish teenager, but I love deeply like a grown up woman with all the knowledge I have of the object of my love to go with it. All the years that I’ve known him enter into it to make it a complete picture. And that’s what makes it so enjoyable and satisfying. I feel there are no enigmas, no puzzles to solve. What I see, is what I get and it’s familiar.
He brought me a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses and After Eight chocolate mints, which are my favorites and which I have been eating all night and this morning. I think they’re all gone now. I happen to be very fond of yellow roses, so he guessed that right, but then he always brings me flowers and they are always pretty. You see, I’m not the least bit prejudiced concerning his tastes. I think they are fine. I even like the way he dresses and his aftershave and his body lotion. No, I’m not the least bit prejudiced.
Right, I’m supposed to talk about other things too now. I’ll tell you that it’s 3C outside and cloudy and that it’s going to be cloudy all day, but we’re not expecting any rain, according to my weather forecast on the computer. I have to go to the tobacco shop today and to the post office, I think that will be a good outing for Joost and me. We can walk there and get some fresh air. Last night, when we walked the dog, it was drizzling and there was a cold wind blowing and it was just miserable to be outside. I had half planned to take the bus downtown, but it really was not the night for it. Even with the overhead heating it would have been no fun to sit on a café terrace. We need a better night for that. So, we’ll save that for the next time.
It’s fun to make plans for what we will do the next time, beside the obvious things. It will be nice when the weather gets better and we can be outside more. That’s another good reason to look forward to springtime, which I’m already doing now that we have the winter solstice behind us and it has been the shortest day already. It can only move upward from here. Of course, we have those dark and cold January and February months to get through, but they will go by in a snap and once those are behind us, the rest will be easy. I’m totally discounting March and April here, you see, as I think they are just preludes and parts of springtime. Always try to see the glass half full.
At least it’s nice and warm in here. I’ve got my feet by the radiator and they are toasty warm. The dog is lying next to me, because that is where he belongs. That’s what he thinks, anyway, and I agree with him.
We had Dutch pancakes for dinner last night. They are like crepes, only I had not made them myself this time. I promised to do so the next time and to make them with buttermilk, because those are the best. I was able to eat one pancake myself, which surprised me and it was very good, not as good as when I make them, but good enough. I have to find some real maple syrup, because the pancake syrup that they have here is too sweet to my liking. There’s nothing like real maple syrup, after all.
My hair is very fashionably sticking up straight in all directions. Luckily, it looks like it’s supposed to be that way. A little bit of wax will tame it and get it to go in the right direction. The right side sticks up funnier than the left, that’s the side I sleep on, the right side, I mean. Sometimes you see people walk around with that “just slept on look” when they haven’t quite combed their hair good enough and it has taken on the shape of their pillow. You can tell if they sleep on their back or on their side. They look good from the front, but when you walk around them, it’s another matter. I’m sure I look this way myself sometimes. Yes, I notice things like that, don’t you?
I feel like a well loved woman and I like the feeling very much. It makes me feel mellow and warm and very pleasant. I can recommend it to anybody. Let yourself be cuddled and treated well, it opens you up and makes you feel like a whole new woman. It ought to be a special treat for everybody, to be loved by their best friend. There’s no better person in the world for it. I hope you’re either married to that person, or that you have somebody in your life like it. But then again, maybe I am very lucky and this is a unique situation. Maybe it’s because of who he is that it’s possible. I’m sure that’s a very large part of it.
Well, I could go on and on with all sorts of sentimental drivel, but I’m sure you’re not waiting for that. I just took my medicines and I’ll check my emails and read some blogs, which I think I’m a little behind in. I’ll probably have to go back to sleep for a while. It doesn’t matter. The day is my oyster. I’ll take it as it comes.
Ciao,
Nora
>At the Ponderosa.
>
It’s another good morning at the Ponderosa. I’ve got my cup of coffee and my cigarettes and my trusty four footer lying beside me, so what more could I ask for? A little bit of warmth, I think. I will turn up the heater just a little bit, because it’s just a bit chilly in here. It’s only 3C outside and I admit, it has been colder, but today I have cold bones in my body. It’s so nice to put my feet against the warm radiator. Ah, if you wait a while, it gets warmer in here and you notice the difference immediately. I already am starting to feel more comfortable.
It’s still dark outside, but it won’t be much longer and I’ll have to take the dog for a walk. The outside world is not calling me at all and I’d rather stay in here nice and warm, but the poor dog must be aired. He is so dependent on me and my goodwill. Right now he’s sound asleep, though, curled up in a ball, as far as his old bones allow it.
I fell asleep quickly last night and am slowly making headway in my book. I try to read as many pages as I can before I go to sleep, but eventually sleep wins and my book drops on the covers and I sleep with my reading glasses on my nose. I’m reading “The Last Girls” by Lee Smith right now and the next book I’ll be reading is “Half Broke Horses” by Jeannette Walls. Both of these books were gifts from blog friends and receiving books is one of my greatest pleasures. Receiving things that smell good is another one.
Oh, my dog is telling me it’s time to go out, so of we go…
It’s cold outside. It’s that damp cold, you know? The kind that goes through your whole body and makes you shiver and glad you walk into your warm apartment again. I turned up the heater by half a degree, but it’s making a lot of difference. The radiators stay hot longer and it is really warmer in here. I’ve got the thermometer set at 20C, so that’s not that outrageous, and it does make a difference in the comfort zone.
I’m wearing my boots now, which reminds me that I have to go out and buy several pairs of thick socks, because all I have left are thin summer socks. Unless I set out on an expedition in my underwear drawer and see if I can find some other socks in there. Why do socks have this tendency to disappear, and I don’t mean single socks, but whole pairs? Do they run away from home, are they abducted? It’s a mystery to me. I know I had three pairs of thick socks and now I only seem to have one pair. There must be a solution to this problem. My underwear drawer is not that big and deep. It’s not like things get lost in a bottomless pit there.
I must do some last minute chores. I have to put the dishes away and check the whole apartment for spider rag, because I didn’t do that yesterday. I still have to clean the refrigerator and change the bed and put laundry in the washing machine. I have to check all the corners of the living room and under the furniture for drifts of dog hair that appear overnight. Most importantly, I must take a nap. I’ll do that on the sofa where it is nice and warm. Every morning after I’ve taken my medicines, I must take a nap. It’s the way it is. I’m almost asleep as I sit here.
Okay, I’m off to do what I have to do. I must hang in there just a little while longer, although it’s tempting to sleep now.
Have a good day, don’t let yourself get caught up in the details of life. Not like I am, anyway.
Ciao,
Nora
>All done with that!
>
I’ve managed to do every chore that I had left undone so far, except for changing the bed and that will have to wait until tomorrow. There were actually more things to do than I thought there were initially. I looked up in the bathroom and discovered spider rag. I don’t understand why I always have so much spider rag in this apartment. There must be numerous spiders hanging out here, but I don’t see that many of them. They must be hiding in all the nooks and crannies. Maybe I just need to look up more often and I’ll see them. I have a special spider rag brush on a stick to remove them, but I’d rather do it with the vacuum cleaner. The more you walk around looking for them, the more of them you spot and it becomes like a sport: spider rag spotting. I could probably make a weekly hobby out of it.
I’ve walked the dog twice now and I have still forgotten to mail those Christmas cards that are laying right on the dining table so I won’t forget them. Three times is a charm. I hope the dog needs to go out again soon and that I’ll remember them.
I keep thinking there are things I need to do that I have forgotten and I will walk around the apartment shortly and check everything to make sure all is really done. Well, the windows aren’t washed, but I was not planning on doing those. Oh, I know what I forgot to do. I wanted to wipe clean the inside of the refrigerator. That will be a job I can do tonight or tomorrow morning, I’ll have to see which way the wind blows. Of course. I’ll probably want to go back to bed tomorrow morning, so I may not want to postpone it. It’s 5 minutes worth of work. It just seems like a hassle, because you have to move everything out of the way. I can spritz it clean in no time, though. Housework is not ever really done, is it? If you really want it clean, you never, ever finish. It’s one way to give meaning to your life.
I hear all sorts of noises coming from the junk room. I think there’s a cat there getting into all sorts of things. Boxes and such. They regularly try to rearrange everything on the bookshelves. I’m subconsciously always waiting to hear a crash and sometimes I do. I’m always afraid to go find out what it is they’ve managed to throw on the floor. I always hope it’s nothing delicate, but they are all the Exfactor’s things and I don’t know what is in half of those boxes, except for the model airplanes and I think those have already taken a beating. He must come and get those things if they are valuable, however. I can’t guarantee their safety.
The dog is looking at me with mournful eyes. He doesn’t want to go out, but he wants to be petted and have a bone. So I’ve petted him and given him a bone. I hope that makes him happy for now. The cat has exited the junk room and all is safe there once again, so I can breathe a sigh of relief. I can’t close the door there, because that’s where the cat door to go outside is.
I still can’t figure out why I could not screw in that light bulb the other day. It was an energy saving light bulb and it had a normal fitting just like any other light bulb, but I couldn’t get it to go in. I’m going to try it again in a while, although I managed to get another light bulb in there, but I’m not sure if that’s an energy saving one. I was so confused that day. It bothers me to no end if I can’t do something that ought not to be impossible. When logic tells you it should just happen. So I’m going to mess around with that light bulb until it fits, without actually electrocuting myself.
Oh, and see, I’ve survived Second Christmas Day without any problems. That’s because I acted like it was no holiday at all. Of course, the stores were closed, but I had no need to go there, and there was no mail delivery, but that means no bills either, although it would have been nice to receive some Christmas cards. I’ll expect all of them on Monday then.
Actually, for as little as I’ve done, the holidays haven’t been bad so far. They weren’t the gloomy days I was expecting them to be. It had to do with the weather too. It would have been worse if there had been a lot of snow, but today we had sunshine all day long and relatively mild temperatures. Yesterday we had rain showers, but I don’t mind the rain if I don’t have to go out in it, and it got rid of the slippery, slushy snow, except for one big snowball that was supposed to have been part of a snowman that never got completed and took a long time to melt. The dog peed on it every time we passed it.
Speaking of dogs, he is sound asleep and seems to have settled in for the evening. He is very busy snoring. Doubtlessly he will want to go out one more time, but maybe later. I’m going to get something to eat and check my emails. There seems to be quite a bit of Bookmooch activity.
I hope you all have a nice evening and if it’s not evening yet, I hope you have a nice day. Did any of you brave the stores yet? Ours don’t open until Monday.
Ciao,
Nora
>Second Christmas Day.
>
It’s officially another holiday, but I’m not going to let that bother me and finish up with the chores I have to do. But that’s for later. Right now I’m sitting here with my cup of coffee and cigarettes slowly letting the day come to a start, not sure if I am willing and able to. It’s always a question if I want to get the show on the road this early in the morning or if I want to go back to bed and sleep some more. I think sleeping some more will win out in the end. I feel in my bones that there are several hours of it left in me. So, I will eat breakfast shortly and climb back into bed. The dog will have to do with a piddle out back, because I’m not getting dressed yet. I mustn’t even think about being outside yet, where it is a chilly 2C and even though it isn’t freezing, that’s quite cold enough for me.
I have slept well, and with the exception of having to get up once, I slept through the night and I went to bed on time too. These mini expeditions to the bathroom take place in a half awake situation and I barely open my eyes. I don’t even know if I turn on all the lights to get there and I’m sound asleep again before I’m even under the covers again. I always have my little reading light on and when I go back to bed, I turn it off and the only light in the room is from the lighted branches in the vase on my bookshelf. The ones I’ve decorated for Christmas. This makes it quite cozy in the room and I like to fall asleep in the dim light of it.
I could have gotten a little Christmas tree to put on the dresser in the living room. I had the decorations and the lights for it, but then I thought about it drying out and the needles falling on the ground and I just thought, “No, I don’t want to deal with that aggravation.” I’m really not that into Christmas that very much, although I’ve enjoyed receiving the cards. I don’t believe in the biblical story, so I don’t celebrate it for that reason, but I appreciate the fact that in the middle of winter people want to have a festival of lights and good foods. It’s just too bad that it gets so commercialized, although it’s not as bad here, because we don’t as a rule give gifts at this time of the year. Still, there’s a mad rush of shopping to get all thess enormous amounts of food in the house. And drinks not to forget. Yet, I must not begrudge people their happiness at wanting to celebrate in style in the middle of these dreary days and make something special out of it.
In the meantime, I’m stuck with about 12 Christmas stamps that I hope to be able to use on my regular mail after Christmas, although they are less in value. I’m sure the post office will allow it, because they must realize that you have to use them up. They sell them in sheets of 20 stamps and there was no way I was going to use all of them. Unless I suddenly get more cards from people I have forgotten. Most of my cards went outside the country. It shows you that I know more foreigners than I do Dutch people, at least those I exchange Christmas cards with. I wrote two more cards yesterday and those I will stick in the mailbox today, although they will get at their point of arrival too late. It’s the thought that counts.
Now I must go back to bed, because I’m getting sleepy again. I will be so nice to get under the duvet again and to sleep some more. It will be just what the doctor ordered.
I hope you all have a good day. It’s Boxing day in England, isn’t it? Isn’t that when everybody goes to the stores to exchange their presents? The same should be happening in the States.
Ciao,
Nora
>First Christmas Day.
>
In the Netherlands we celebrate two Christmas days on the 25th and the 26th, so today is the first Christmas day. We don’t as a rule exchange presents, but do start off the day eating good things with our cups of coffee and I just had a double chocolate chocolaty cake with peach filling at my sister’s with my café latte. It was almost like eating pure chocolate, it was so good, and I could have had all I wanted, but unfortunately one piece was all I could handle and it was on the small side too. My sister would have liked to invite me for dinner as well, but since I can’t eat anything she’s going to serve, that’s an exercise in futility and frustration, so we don’t even consider that. It’s very disappointing when you can never have dinner at someone else’s house, but that’s the price I pay for the gastric band.
We reminisced and talked about our childhood and about our mutual marriages and about our children and about what we have in common and how we function as human beings. We come from the same nest and have the same kind of oddities and the same kind of unique attitudes. We are more similar than we are different and that became apparent today as we shared some of our deeper thoughts about ourselves and how we deal with relationships and problems we run into as a whole. We are not so far removed from the core as we think we are. Our childhood very much influenced who we turned out as people and left a big impression on our personalities and we struggle with it regularly. Why this subject came about today of all days is a mystery, but sometimes we find ourselves in these conversations.
Last night, after I finished writing my post, I made lists of all the books I have mooched and that didn’t take all that long. Then I arranged the rest of the books by color and I was done with everything within an hour. I need some bookends, because not all the cubicles are filled up, but I don’t know if I have any of those. The Exfactor may have some that he may let me have. I’ll have to ask him. I need some very simple metal ones, the kind they use in the library. I have one or two of them, but I need about three more. I should have grabbed what I could when I had the chance. I was not greedy enough.
Anyway, the bookcase looks great and I have two cubicles that can be filled with more mooched books. Some cubicles are tightly packed and not a pin can be pushed in between. That’s what happens when you try to get all the same colors together.
I’ve made myself a cup of strong coffee and now I can join the living again. The first thing I had to do was feed the dog, who then refused to eat because I was not right there beside him while he ate. So I stayed by him while he ate what was in his bowl. Silly dog. The cats weren’t pleased, because that didn’t leave anything for them to eat, beside their own kibbles. It’s hard to please everybody and I don’t even start trying.
So, I’ve wasted First Christmas Day doing absolutely nothing noteworthy, which is as it should be. Tomorrow is another day and I will finish my chores then, although officially it’s a holiday. I don’t care, though. You can have too many holidays in a row too and I need to vacuum my bedroom. There are dog hairs there that need removing and the bathroom floor needs to be mopped. I’m a great one for doing chores, aren’t I? I talk about them more than I spend time doing them.
Does your dog scratch the rug too in order to make a good place to lie down? My dog is always doing that, as if he digging himself a hollow to lie down in. Apparently he thinks it works, because he keeps doing it.
I have to go walk him now and thank goodness it has stopped raining, because it was doing that nonstop too earlier. It’s a balmy 4C outside. Nowadays you’re thankful for any degrees above zero Celsius. All the rain has made the last of the slippery snow disappear, so that’s good. No chance of breaking your neck anymore. Watch, these were my famous last words as I found the last patch of icy snow.
I hope you’re all having a good time celebrating this holiday. Amazingly enough, it doesn’t bother me that I’m spending most of it on my own. It is fine, as I have the animals and I did see my sister and I will see Joost on Sunday. But it really isn’t a bad time to spend by myself and I can always watch the horrible Christmas shows on television.
Ciao,
Nora
>Strong Coffee…
>
I fell asleep on the on the sofa at 4:30 pm and woke up two hours later having had a very nice nap. It didn’t take much to fall sleep. All I had to do was lie down and close my eyes and I was gone. I remember having to share the pillow with Toby and when I woke up he was still there. It was a wonderful nap, very restorative and one that I absolutely needed, but then again, I need all my naps. There is never a nap that I take that is not a very much needed nap. I always feel that if I don’t go lie down right then, I will topple over on the spot and fall on my head and get a concussion. Such is my great need to go lie down and forget everything else. That’s why I didn’t quite get my chores done today, almost, but not quite.
I did get the kitchen floor squeaky clean with the scrub sponge and some elbow grease and all that nasty evidence of food spillage by the animals is gone. I also mopped the hallway where my bicycle had dripped a huge amount of mud onto the linoleum from the dirty snow outside. I scrubbed the kitchen counter that never seems to get clean enough and always had various stains on it, because it is made of steel with a pattern in it and I dislike it very much. It’s a pain to clean and must have been invented by a man who never cleaned kitchen counters. I’m sure of it. I took a break after each job, because my back is bothering me, but other than that there was no problem. It’s just the same old spot that always bothers me, right in the middle of my back. It’s my weak spot.
I’ve decided to feed the cats on the kitchen counter from now on, because they spill their kibbles so much and I’m always having to sweep up the spillage out from underneath the kitchen radiator and it is too much work. If I feed them on the counter it will be easier to clean up after them and the dog will not be tempted to eat their food, while he ignores his own kibbles. I don’t know why it took me so long to think of this, but there you have it. They sit on the counter half of their lives anyway, so I may as well feed them there too.
For a treat I had a tall glass of fruit juice and peanut butter eaten straight from the jar with a little teaspoon. It was great. It is one of my favorite treats and I like it as much as eating chocolates. I can’t eat too much of it, because I do get full quickly, but I savor it while it lasts. Now, I could eat many more chocolates than I could eat peanut butter, but I won’t buy the chocolates, because I will eat one box in one sitting and make myself sick eating them. I adore chocolates with a creamy filling. I like real bonbons the best. Chocolates melt in your stomach really well, so I can eat a lot of them without getting full too fast.
Now I’m having my last cup of coffee. I didn’t realize what time it was. I’m staying up past my bedtime, but that’s okay, I don’t have to be at my sister’s house until 11 am tomorrow. If I’m smart, I’ll sleep late so I won’t feel like I have to take a nap while I’m there. That would be highly embarrassing. Imagine having to fall asleep while you’re visiting someone. “Excuse me, but I have to go home now to sleep, or let me lie down on your nice sofa here.” I can see my sister’s face now.
I got another mooched book in the mail today. So far, I’ve mooched 70 books and I’m waiting for 10 more. I’ve given away 27 books and just sent 10 and have to send 14 more. So, I’m not doing too badly. I’m starting to run out of room on my bookcase and will have to do a bunch of rearranging. I’m trying to keep all the unread books together, but I may not be able to. They may disappear in the collection. That won’t be such a horrible thing, as long as I don’t forget about them.
You all know that I have my books arranged by color. That is, all but the mooched books. They are separate. There’s a huge temptation to add them to the color arranged books, but I’m afraid of losing track of them and forgetting what I already have. I suppose I could make a list of books that I’ve mooched. That would be one solution. Actually, that is not such a bad idea, now that I think of it. It would solve that problem quickly, because now I always have to get up and walk to the bookcase and check. Mmm… this sheds a whole new light on my arrangement of the books. I will have to think about that. This may be a little Eureka moment. Watch me rearrange my books now at this hour of the night when I’m at my most brilliant.
It’s 2C outside so it is definitely not freezing anymore and tomorrow it’s going to be 5C and raining. That’s not the weather that was forecast some time ago when they were talking about a white Christmas, but maybe that is for the best, because otherwise there would be traffic jambs. Now, when it is 5C outside, it feels positively warm. There are still icy patches of snow in the places where the sun never shines, but most of it is gone, thank goodness, because it was making a mess.
Alright, I’m wishing you all a merry Christmas and lots of good cheer and lots of good food to eat in good company. Even if that means just the two or one of you with your animal(s).
I’ve got a job to do!
Ciao,
Nora
Another Splendid Day 