Archive for August, 2010
>Sleep!!!
>
I can’t seem to get enough sleep today. I’ve gone back to bed twice now and both times I slept for a few hours. I just got up again and I’m not having any coffee for fear that I’ll not be able to sleep tonight. I’m tempted to have coffee, because I want to wipe the cobwebs from my mind, but I’ll have to wait for them to disappear naturally. I do want to convince myself that such a thing is possible. That I don’t need the caffeine to get up to normal speed again.
The radio/CD player got here and I installed it on the bookshelf beside my bed and have it tuned to talk radio. I fell asleep listening to it this afternoon. It was very pleasant. It is a cute little thing, white and orange and compact with a good sound. It is a good investment.
The Exfactor canceled his visit today. He said his motorcycle wasn’t working. It seems to me his motorcycle isn’t working very often. He’s always getting his hands and clothes dirty repairing it. I have grave doubts about this unconditional love for motorcycles. I think he should get a reliable car. But then again, I’m not married to him anymore, so it’s really none of my business.
I have to convince myself to finish this, when all I want to do is lie down in bed and go to sleep. I think I will go put my pajamas on and my bathrobe. I actually don’t feel all that great. This is day 6 since I started decreasing my antidepressants and maybe it is catching up with me. I see the black dog pacing.
I hope you all have a nice evening.
Ciao,
Nora
>So early in the morning…
>
Here I am with my cup of coffee and my cigarette. I have read blogs and left comments and answered my emails. For some reason my latest post got published without the ability to leave comments and I tried to fix it, but to no avail. I hope this doesn’t happen again. I would hate to have a problem with blogger that’s going to be hard to fix. I want no frustration like that at all.
I have just turned on the light therapy lamp and the bright light of it is making my eyes squint in the early morning darkness. It is like a wake up call. Like going out in the bright sunshine. No doubt I will be perky as the early bird in no time at all. That, along with my coffee, should get me off to a good start. I will no doubt be as energetic as a go cart in the shortest amount of time and have limitless amounts of get up and go. I can hear my engine revving up now. It just needs a little more fuel.
The book I started reading yesterday afternoon turns out to be very good. The subject matter is fascinating and it is very well written. There is not a hitch in it. It reads as easily as downing a plate of very good fettuccine with real Italian cheese. It is a true pleasure. The premise of the book is a difficult one and the story is complicated and not an easy subject, but she writes about it beautifully and convincingly. You look forward with a certain amount of dread, but with a lot of curiosity, to the real circumstances of the drowning of the sister and the almost drowning of the child who is so traumatized. The main character of the book is a force to be reckoned with, although quite disturbed. The father is a man of yet unknown strengths.
I sat in my armchair with a tall glass of milk and the reading light by my side and an extra pillow for comfort and read the rest of the afternoon into the evening until it was time to watch the news. I didn’t read it when I went to bed at night. I merely got under the duvet and laid there in the semi dark and waited for sleep to come, which it did quickly. I thought about my blogging friends and what they would be doing at that particular time and I tried to imagine them in their lives, knowing all that I know about them, while at the same time knowing so little.
This morning the Exfactor is coming by to do the groceries and have coffee, although he can’t stay late because he has to work in the afternoon. It will be a short visit, but it will be nice nevertheless. I have to stay home in the afternoon and wait for my package to be delivered. Hopefully that won’t take too long. They are usually here some time in the middle of the afternoon and not some time around 6 pm when they could also come.
I’m going to set up the radio/CD player right away in my bedroom and find a pleasant radio station to listen to so I will be ready to turn it on at night when I go to sleep. I also have to find those CD’s of nature sounds that are somewhere in the collection and some pleasantly serene classical music ones. I want to be well prepared. I haven’t had a radio in a while so I’m curious to see which stations I will be able to receive. I hope for a pleasant jazz station and for a station that plays a lot of baroque. No operas and romantic classical music, please. No Mahler, but Eric Satie would be nice. That reminds me, I have double CD’s of his music.
It’s only 8C outside right now. I stood by the back door and welcomed the cold air on my body. It was very refreshing. It wasn’t raining, but the sky was partly cloudy. I did see the moon and it was in its third quarter. Last night, when I went to sleep, the bedroom was chilly and it felt great to get under the duvet. I had bare arms, so I was a bit cold. I still have to get an extra cover for the bed to put over the duvet. I thought I had something in the closet somewhere, but I have not found it yet. Maybe it is in one of the boxes in the spare bedroom. I’ll have to have a look.
I’m all done drinking coffee now. Three cups are more than enough. That’s all I can handle. As it is, I have to throw the last little bit away into the kitchen sink. Coffee is great to drink and it does wonders for your mental health, but too much of it is no good either. I’m down to three cups a day and I think that’s enough of a good thing. I have to get into the habit of drinking tea, but I have to buy a teapot and a tea cozy. That will go on the list of things I want for my birthday. I like making proper pots of tea and not dunking teabags in a tea glass.
I’m off to start the day. I have to take my medicines and get dressed and walk Tyke. He’s very impatiently breathing down my neck. Gandhi is also, I know not for what reason.
I hope you all have a nice day. The weather looks very dubious here. I could get wet.
Ciao,
Nora
>Don’t fear the rain clouds overhead…
>
I’m eating some fruity gumdrops that I bought at the tobacconist a while ago. I couldn’t resist the temptation and bought a big bag of them. They satisfy my taste buds and my stomach very much. The problem is that they fill me up very quickly and that they prevent me from eating anything else, so for now I’m living on candy, which is not a preferable lifestyle. Sometimes I have to throw caution to the wind and live with complete abandonment. I like living dangerously and on the edge. I’m so adventurous!
I had to get two new lighters at the tobacconist, because Tyke had eaten one that I had and the other one was almost out of fuel. All I got after many attempts was one tiny little flame, and speaking of living on the edge, that was just a little bit too scary for me. I didn’t know if I could light my next cigarette and the matches that I have are absolutely no good. They are as ineffective as a 120 year old man is in bed. They’re not like those Swedish matches that work anytime and anywhere. Swedish men probably do too.
I also had to get trash bags and the tobacconist is very handy, because he stocks those. I was using a plastic bag, but it was getting full and I do like the fact that I don’t have to go all the way to the grocery store to get new trash bags. There’s nothing worse than standing in line for those. Never mind the fact that I don’t like riding my bike across the parking lot there, because you take your life in your own hands when you do. This is because of the drivers of cars who don’t count on you being there and have a strong desire to run you over and probably wouldn’t stop if they did.
I checked my mail on the way back in and found another book from Bookmooch and that makes the total 4 received with 7 left to come. This book I just got looks very interesting and I can’t wait to start it. I think I will sit in the armchair this afternoon and start reading it. I will install myself with a cup of tea and my cigarettes and have a good old read. The book is called Drowning Ruth by Christina Schwarz. It was a #1 New York Times bestseller when it came out 10 years ago. I have a good feeling about this book, call it expectations or instincts, I think I will like it. I look forward to an afternoon of reading to calm my mind. I’m quite excited about nothing at all and everything in general and need a soothing activity. I haven’t finished A Place Of Hiding, but I will save that as my nighttime book or finish it when I’m done with this one.
I had the domestic help here and she had some spare time and cleaned the whole bookcase. I’m glad it was done and thanked her profusely. All the dust is gone and she moved all the books out of the way to do it. She is a peach. She also cleaned the CD rack and that was above and beyond the call of duty. I do so appreciate the help. It makes living so much easier. I can keep up with things myself now and take care of the chores that I need to do. Everything is manageable now and I don’t feel like the apartment is tumbling down around me.
Actually, everything is starting to look more manageable now that I’m on a lower dose of antidepressants. I feel that I have more mental energy, but that may also be due to the light therapy lamp. I do want to continue decreasing the amount of antidepressants and will discuss that with my psychiatrist when I see him next. I didn’t know that it was possible without too many problems or I would have done it sooner. Well, there’s always a perfect time to find these things out, I guess now is that time.
It has started to rain again, but we are assured that the weather will get better in the very near future and the meteorologists advised us to go to England for a short vacation, because the weather is so nice there. You lucky English people. There’s been damage across the country here because of the storm. We’ve had so much rain and wind lately. The Netherlands is living up to its image of being a cold and wet country. In two more days it’s going to be September and I’m counting on an Indian summer. Oh no, now it’s started to thunder too. I’m glad I’m not out there.
I think I will go and read my novel now. It’s time for some food for my brain. I haven’t read a book that’s not a thriller in a while. It will be nice to not read about dead bodies, although there is a mysterious death in this book too. All will be revealed in time.
Have a good day. Think of me here in the rain. Not that I mind…
Ciao,
Nora
>Music Box.
>
I was lying in bed last night in the semi dark, not reading my book, and I thought what I really needed was a radio/CD player so that I could listen to softly turned down music to fall asleep by. I have enough CD’s of music that I like well enough and also some of nature sounds that would be very soothing to listen to and I could order others. Then there are also radio stations that may be interesting to listen to and fall asleep to if I have the sound turned down low. It would quietly occupy my mind as a drift off to sleep.
This is not a completely original idea, because Maggie May listens to the radio every night as she goes to sleep. I think she listens to talk radio and the soothing sound of the voices helps her fall asleep. That sounds very attractive. I’m not always in the mood to read my book. Sometimes I’m too tired to and just want to lie there by the light of the night light in the almost dark. The problem is keeping your mind occupied and keeping your thoughts from straying. Music would prevent that from happening.
I ordered a radio/CD player on line that was not too expensive and it will be here tomorrow. I can put it on the bookshelf beside my bed and have it within easy reach and keep some CD’s there as well. I’m looking forward to it. Especially the radio part as I haven’t listened to the radio in more than 2 years and am completely out of touch with the programming.
I did fall asleep on my own last night without any help and slept well until a decent time this morning. I didn’t have any night sweats for a change and maybe that is because it’s so much cooler in the apartment. I always have to wear my bathrobe in the morning now and it’s no luxury. This comes from a person who likes to be cool in temperature. I like to be cool too in the popular sense of the word, but that’s another thing altogether. I don’t know if it’s possible to be cool at my age. I haven’t been accused of it in quite a while.
I’m having a very good cup of coffee and am enjoying my cigarette. I do very much like these early hours of the morning before life has properly started. The trash people haven’t even come by yet. I say people, but they are men, I haven’t seen a woman on the trash truck yet. Not that men aren’t people. I’m not so unkind as to deny them that privilege.
It’s stopped raining and the sky is now merely cloudy, but it is cold outside. I will have to dress warm when I walk Tyke in a little while. I’ll have to go find something with long sleeves to wear. That will be fun to do. I’ll take a dive in my closet and see what I can come up with. It’s been a while since I’ve worn my long sleeve stuff, except for my one cardigan. I do like it when it’s chilly and I get to wear different clothes for a change. I like layers, so that’s probably the best choice, although a sweater may be nice too.
I’m not closing the windows yet. It has to get colder inside before I do that. I do want to keep airing out the apartment as long as I can because I smoke. It does get smelly in here if I don’t. I’m going to try and postpone turning on the heater as long as possible. This climate is not made for sissies. You just have to put on more clothes. Or own a fireplace.
Right, I’m getting the show on the road. The great outdoors calls. Ha, I wish it did. I would be very happy with a country lane now, although it would probably be awfully muddy now, so maybe it is better to stick to the sidewalk. I don’t own any galoshes. I’m a city woman.
Have a great day!
Ciao,
Nora
>What I did with my Sunday…
>
I finally did manage to get to bed some time early in the morning after having been up all night amusing myself behind the computer and thinking I would never go to sleep. I need not have despaired, though, because when I was finally in bed I slept like a rock in a hidden meadow.
I do vaguely remember getting up once to let Tyke out, but I didn’t really wake up properly to do this. With half closed eyes I made it to the back door and back to my bed and went on sleeping until some time in the afternoon. Tyke slept on the bed with me and was very cooperative. I couldn’t ask for a better dog.
I made myself a half a pot of coffee when I got up and soon was completely back to my senses. I felt pretty darn good and ready to enjoy what was left of the day. So was Tyke and we wrestled and played together and I made him speak. He thought it was funny that I barked and he did bark in return, but sometimes he gazes at me with a puzzled look and his head held to one side as if he doesn’t quite believe what he’s seeing. I do so appreciate a dog with a sense of humor. I do have to get my timing right.
It’s been raining all afternoon, but you all know how much I like that and I think it’s very cozy. It makes me feel very sheltered and safe inside the apartment. It is dark in here, but that’s why I have the light in the corner of the living room turned on. Tyke is sitting in front of the window enjoying the view. It’s now become a habit that he sits there and it’s another way for him to amuse himself. He does very often have to share his space with Gandhi as they both like to sit there.
I haven’t gotten out of my pajamas yet and think I won’t because it has now become evening and I think I won’t be going anywhere. I do very much appreciate a lazy Sunday like this and I’m glad I got to sleep so late. Your brain functions better on a happier plane when it’s had enough sleep and you can’t fool your body.
I’m not going to turn on my Bright Light Energy Lamp, because I think I’ve got quite enough energy. I’m afraid it will make me hyper if I do. I think it’s too late in the day for it too. It’s best turned on in the morning when starting the day. I think I used it too late in the day yesterday and that’s why I made it such a late night. I just couldn’t come down out of the clouds and settle down to a lower plane.
I still have to look through the top shelf of my closet and see what’s up there. It is a hard shelf to get to, because everything tumbles down once you start pulling things out. I also keep my winter sweaters there and it’s a cramped space as a result. Maybe I’ll find things there that I’ve forgotten about, but it will definitely be the last place where such things can be. I will have covered every conceivable place where clothes can hide. The fact that I’ve lost weight makes it interesting to find things, because I never know it those clothes are going to fit me or if I have to put them in the bag with lost causes, so I do have mixed feelings about that.
I still haven’t figured out a proper way to store my shoes and my boots. I have the ones I don’t wear in a big box and I should go through them and discard the ones I won’t ever wear again. The ones I do wear are put away wherever I think they are safe from Tyke. That’s wherever I can fit them and that’s not very organized. I do know where they all are, but I think I need a better system. I think the most important thing is to get rid of the old ones. I’m sure I can make the recycle shop happy with the ones that are still in good shape. That will be a chore that I will have to apply myself to one of these days. I will plan it in my head first and then carry it out. The same way I finally cleaned up the closet.
It looks like autumn outside and it feels like it too. It is only 13C and even inside it has gotten quite a bit cooler. That’s nice, because it has been too warm in here all summer. It’s finally gotten down to 21C. It’s stormy outside and there’s actually a draft in here, which makes it nice and cool. I did have to put on my bathrobe to keep from getting too chilled. There’s nothing better than hanging around in your bathrobe. That used to be called cocooning. I think it’s gone out of fashion. It’s a leftover from the 80’s, I think. Having been a yuppie I should know these things. Or rather, having been the wife of one.
I’ve got to clean the place up a bit for the domestic help tomorrow in case I don’t wake up in time in the morning. I can just see myself sleep late again. It was such a nice experience today. I can highly recommend it. I have some chores to do and I will try and do them now. There’s no sense in wasting time and I am wide awake again. I have to tire myself out a bit.
Have a nice evening. It’s raining buckets here.
Ciao,
Nora
>Music and comedy…
>
I haven’t been to bed yet, although it is well past midnight. I’ve spent the whole evening watching music and comedy videos on YouTube and I have been very well amused. The time flew by and I laughed a lot at the comedians and was moved by the music. It does a person good to have the emotions moved to a greater degree than just the ordinary every day ones. It sure felt good and it was worth staying up for. I feel like I’ve had a night out.
Of course, now I’m so wide awake that I won’t be able to go to sleep for a while. I have to sit here for a bit and calm down and get in a go-to-bed mode. I’ve only been drinking milk for the past couple of hours, I haven’t had any coffee for a long time. I should get tired soon, although maybe it would help if I heated the milk up. But wait, I’ve just yawned for the first time, so there is hope. Maybe writing a blog post makes me sleepy.
I’ve used the Bright Light Energy Lamp for several hours today. Besides having it on this morning, I also had it on later in the day while I sat behind the computer. Maybe I got too much of it and that is why I’m so full of energy. I must make sure I get enough darkness now. I do have to get enough hours of sleep, but tomorrow is Sunday and that means sleeping as late as Tyke will let me. That energetic little guy does wake me up when he has to go outside. Well, he is house broken, so what can I expect, right?
I discovered a top in my closet that I had no knowledge of and I put it on right away. It has three quarter sleeves, so it is perfect for this weather. I don’t know where I got it, but it fits. I seem to remember another top that I’m supposed to have in my possession and I have to go look on the top shelf and see if it’s there. I only have some vague idea of what it looks like. I do know it’s black, but I don’t remember if it has long or short sleeves.
I did do the ironing, by the way. I found a summer jacket that had been in the ironing basket for ages and I had forgotten all about its existence. It’s a short, beige, cotton jacket with metal snap buttons. I ironed it and didn’t even try it on, I think it will fit. I hung it on the coat rack and will try it on in the morning. That’s exceptionally incurious of me and I don’t know how I got that way either. I remember buying it a long time ago, but I don’t remember wearing it. I must not have been very fond of it. I also found two pairs of Capri pants that I didn’t realize I had. It’s kind of late in the year for them now, unless we get a hot spell.
I think I will dye the jacket black. As a matter of fact, I think I have the dye to do it somewhere in a kitchen cabinet. I’ll have to look for it. I will like the jacket better black.
I’m so wide awake, I’m not going to worry about what time I’ll go to sleep. It will just be whenever. I’m going to sit here as long as I’m comfortable. I will take my sleep medication, that may be a good idea. My body is going to crave it and it would not be good to suddenly withhold it. I do have to decrease one medication at the time and not try to do everything at once.
I’m going to put on my pajamas and my bathrobe and get at least ready for bed. Then I’ll be halfway there.
Have a good night if you’re about ready to go to bed, if not, have a good morning.
Ciao,
Nora
>Hurray, Saturday!
>
What could be a better day than Saturday? It’s the most perfect day of the week. It’s a day to celebrate, no matter how quietly and sedately, in my own particular way. I love the fact that the day stretches out ahead of me with no obligations and no appointments and no chores to do. It is an absolutely free day in which I can do, or not do, whatever I want. I can completely indulge myself and that’s exactly what I intent to do. The best part is that I will have no feelings of guilt about this. That’s it, guilt free living and enjoying it. Isn’t that great? Every day of the week ought to be like that. It would be like living in paradise. I think that’s how it was supposed to be. I have to find a way to always do this and still achieve the things I have to do. Be responsible and yet feel free and not under constant pressure to achieve. There’s got to be a way to do that. It’s all in the mindset I’m sure.
I went to bed at a reasonable time, because I could not stay up later for want of sleep. I postponed it as long as I could, but finally had to go to bed because I was so tired. I did read my book for awhile, but was soon sound asleep. It was so comfortable in my bed and I couldn’t think of a better place to be. I have this particular duvet cover that’s very nice to sleep under and I’m always glad when it’s on my bed. It’s really one for cooler weather and it’s exceptionally cozy and smooth to the touch. Last night was a perfect night for it, because it was cooler and I had the window open. I’m sure it helps me sleep better and I’d like to get another one like it. I’ll have to make a trip to Ikea. I think that’s where I got it.
It’s nice to be up again and I have the Bright Light Energy Lamp on as I write this. I will have it on every morning as I sit behind the computer from now on until the springtime. I didn’t do this last year and I think it was a big mistake and I can’t really give a good explanation for why I didn’t use it. It was definitely an error in my thinking.
I’ve made a pot of coffee and it tastes great. I’ve got the amount of ground coffee right and each pot turns out well. I had to get used to the taste as opposed to the Senseo coffee, but that happened soon enough. I like this coffee now and it really is no hardship to make a pot. It is done quick enough and I hardly have to wait at all. The coffee cups stay cleaner too. The Senseo coffee always left behind a scummy layer in the cups that was hard to wash out. I don’t have that problem now. I can rinse out my cup and have it clean and reuse it again. It saves on the dishes. That’s always a big motivating factor for me.
I had so much energy yesterday morning, that I had gotten a bunch of chores done before it was even 8 o’clock. I surprised myself. I took a break and watched the news and decided to save the dishes until my personal helper got here so that we would have something to do together. I’m taking care of a lot of things independently of her now and I hardly need her help, but we are already making plans for this winter when possibly things may get more difficult. I’m entitled to 6 hours worth of help during the week and it may come in handy if I need it. I’m doing everything I can to prevent a depression from happening, but I don’t know how much I am in command of that. Time will tell. It’s good to know that I have back up if I need it. Last winter was very bad and I’m going to do everything I can to prevent that from happening again.
I had forgotten to water my plants and they were very droopy. I felt so bad for neglecting them. I hadn’t watered them in more than 2 weeks. It had completely slipped my mind. When I realized that, I very quickly watered all of them and prayed that they would recuperate. At first nothing happened and they all looked as bad as they did before and I thought I had been too late, but this morning they all looked perked up and strong again, so I guess I got lucky and they are okay. They were completely dried out, though, and I must make sure that doesn’t happen again. I can only have very forgiving plants. I don’t take care well enough of them to have demanding plants. They would die immediately. The plants that I have can go without water for 10 days, but that’s the maximum. I’m not a very good plant owner. It’s all a hit and run business. I do take better care of Gandhi and Tyke and don’t forget to feed and water them.
I did the laundry early yesterday morning and was hanging it up to dry in no time. I had washed some of my clothes along with the sheets and am glad that I don’t have to iron any of them, although there are some clothes in the ironing basket that I still have to iron, but those are clothes that I will be wearing this fall. That job can be postponed until it is inevitable. So far I am still mostly wearing my summer clothes with the odd cardigan on top. It hasn’t really been all that cold yet. A jacket has been sufficient to wear outside, inside the apartment it is still warm enough to go with bare arms. It just doesn’t seem to cool off in here.
In the last couple of days we’ve had as much rain as normally falls in a whole month. It’s all part of the climate change and the experts warn that we have to count on this happening more often in the summertime. Large amounts of rain will come down from the sky in a short amount of time. This will happen along with periods of extreme heat as we had in July. It is said that September will bring better weather. Maybe we will have an Indian summer. It will be nice if it’s true. I didn’t like the heat in July and was very uncomfortable because it was so humid. I don’t care for too much heat when it’s humid. I don’t deal with it well at all. I wouldn’t do well in the tropics. I am used to the heat in California, which was dry and bearable. Even in the desert it was not as awful up to a point, as long as you stayed out of the direct sunlight and were close to a swimming pool and the nights were wonderful. There were so many stars visible in the sky that it felt as though the heavens were going to fall down on you.
I’ve had three cups of coffee and I think that’s quite enough. That’s how many I made. I will switch to fruit juice next to quench my thirst. I’m sitting here in my bathrobe and I feel a slight draft by my bare feet. My toes are cold. It is only 10C outside, so that is quite chilly. That’s the coldest it has been so far. It is only going to be 17C today and rain is predicted, but I won’t pay too much attention to that because it never gets as bad here as is forecast. It will be a treat to walk Tyke in the cold air. I wonder if he will get chilled with his short haircut? He doesn’t have much to warm him, but maybe he’s a tough dog.
I’m off to enjoy my Saturday. I will find interesting things to do and keep myself out of trouble. Maybe today would be a good day to do the ironing after all. It would be a useful way to fill up some time and I would know that I had gotten that done and that I was ready for the fall. I am also curious as to how those clothes fit me.
Have a good day and enjoy your weekend. It is still August, so it’s still officially summer no matter what impression the weather gives.
Ciao,
Nora
>Up and about…
>
I didn’t sleep quite as late as I had wanted to, but I slept until the early morning anyway and that’s not half bad. When I woke up it was raining buckets and Tyke refused to go out back, even though he needed to. He decided to wait until later. It’s still not stopped raining yet and I’ve been up for an hour.
It’s very cozy here by the desk lamp and I feel great and ready to start the day. I slept well and feel quite refreshed. I’ve made a good pot of coffee, so nothing can go wrong with my morning. Well, not much anyway. I can think of some things, but I won’t go there. The most important thing is that it’s a brand new day with brand new possibilities, and that it’s Friday again, the end of the week, which is always a welcome time. I haven’t encountered a Friday yet that I don’t like. At least not in this stage of my life, but I think I’ve always liked Fridays, as I’ve always looked forward to the weekends, especially when my kids were young. I liked it when they were home from school and we could do things.
I slept well in my newly made up bed and it was a pleasure to sleep under clean sheets. I’ve got to wash the ones I took off immediately so I will have clean ones right way. It’s the pillow cases that I most need, having four pillows on my bed. That’s strictly for comfort. I like nothing better than having a thick, soft place to put my head. There’s nothing better to go to sleep on.
Gandhi and Tyke both try to lie down by my pillows at night. They jockey for position and I have to chase Tyke to the lower end of the bed. There’s definitely not enough space for both of them, no matter how hard they try. Gandhi can be there. She’s such a little delicate cat that there’s room for her, but Tyke plants his big butt in my face and it’s not pleasant. He thinks he has to be wherever Gandhi is. He thinks he’s as small as she is and that he can go in the same places. He towers above her quite a bit. He’s 30 pounds worth of dog, so he may be little, but he’s still a force to be reckoned with.
I’ve got to jump in the shower in a while and find something nice to wear. No doubt I will succeed in doing that. I do have enough clothes to choose from. There’s no shortage of them. I have to throw some clothes to wash in with the sheets. I do like clean clothes to wear. There will be no hanging the laundry outside to dry. It is going to rain all weekend. I’m going to try a different washing powder when I’m done with this one. This one works well, but I want to find one that smells even better. Or maybe I’m used to the way this one smells and I need a different one. I think I will just buy whatever washing powder is on sale, that way I can try them all. I’m an opportunistic consumer. I’m not loyal to my brand, except for my tobacco.
My personal helper is coming today and so is the domestic help. I have to get the apartment in shape ahead of time. I will have lots of time to do that. I have to clean up the kitchen and take out the trash. I forgot to buy new trash bags yesterday. I was at the tobacco shop where they sell them, but I forgot all about them. I will have to use some other plastic bag until I get some. The present bag is full and it is my last one. I usually don’t forget things like that, but I was in a hurry yesterday, because I was going between rain showers. As it was, it started to rain on the way home and I made it inside just in time.
I haven’t noticed any adverse effects from decreasing the antidepressants, but maybe it’s too early to tell. Possibly more time needs to pass before I notice any difference. The stuff does stay in your system for quite a while, after all. I think I have a bit more energy, but that may all be in my head, in other words, I merely think I do and it’s a suggestion. I think I’m supposed to stay at this dose for a month and then, if everything is well, lower the dose some more until I’m down to a reasonable amount and not the mega dose I was taking. It’s fine with me, as long as I do well.
I’m going to take a shower now and get dressed. I do want to get the show on the road and it has stopped raining. Maybe I can take Tyke for a walk. It would be nice if I could. We both need some outside air. It’s 18C out, so not that cold.
Have a nice day and enjoy whatever kind of weather you have.
Ciao,
Nora
>Brewing coffee…
>
I’m learning to brew coffee in my new coffeemaker. How much ground coffee to use for 4 cups or for 6 cups, which translates into 2 or 3 mugs of coffee. I like my coffee strong, so I put heaping spoons full into the filter. It’s awful if I don’t put enough ground coffee into it, because I end up with a weak brew that I drink nevertheless, because I don’t want to waste it, although I would if it were really undrinkable, or so I tell myself. I’m on a learning curve and almost have it right now. I’ve got good ground coffee, so that’s not the problem. It’s just measuring the coffee right that’s the trick. I do want to be known for my good cups of coffee. I have my reputation to think of.
I slept 10 hours last night after having written my last post. It helped to go to bed late and then sleep in one fell swoop, so I’m going to do that again tonight. I won’t worry about what time I go to bed and I’ll wait until I’m really good and tired. There will be no more going to bed early before the sun goes down. Going to bed with the chickens. Besides, the sun goes down earlier every evening and pretty soon I would be going to bed at dinnertime. Bed has been so tempting, but I think it has been a way to end the day prematurely and not really a place to go because I was so very sleepy and tired. I can do like I did this evening and take a short nap on the sofa.
I went to see my SPN today under my umbrella. It was raining half an hour before I had to see her, so I walked over there, not willing to go on my bike and get soaking wet. It only takes me 20 minutes to walk over there if I don’t dawdle. It was good to see her and we had a nice talk. I told her that I had discovered that as the norm goes, I’m actually quite normal. She was happy to hear that. I think she is glad that I made that discovery, because she wants me to think of myself as normal as possible. I think she likes the fact that I’ve found out that the population at large is not nearly as sane as I thought it was and that everybody has their issues. I don’t need to feel so odd. It’s not necessary.
She also felt it was time for the Bright Light Energy Lamp, so I’m going to put it in place tomorrow. I have a spot on my desk where it will fit and I can sit in front of it for at least half an hour every day. I do have to do this in the mornings as much as possible, because it is energizing.
I finished Deja Dead by Kathy Reichs last night and I will begin reading A Place of Hiding by Elizabeth George tonight. As far as I can tell, it is not an Inspector Linley mystery, but a Simon St. James one. I have never had one like it, so it will be a new experience. It will be a thriller and that is the main thing. I do like her thrillers and she does have a fascinating way of telling a story. She is good with details. Deja Dead was gruesome and fascinating as well, but you do have to have nerves of steel. Kathy Reichs does know how to tell a scary story and she goes into great detail about the dead bodies. You have to guard yourself against that. Her books are very suspenseful, though.
I’ve mooched a couple of books and I have more coming. I have sent books and have one more to send. I’m glad my older sister gave me money that I could use to send those books with. I have a wish list with enough books to choose from for now. As a matter of fact, I’ve just been terribly distracted and browsed for more books and added those to my list. I had quite forgotten about Doris Lessing and how much I liked her. I have some of her books and read more in the past, but there are many more I want to own. I’ve also gone to bol.com and added books to my wish list there. It’s ever growing and there will never be an end to it.
It’s been raining off and on all evening and it’s supposed to tomorrow as well. I find it quite cozy. If I had a good coat, I would go out in it. Not that I’m a glutton for punishment. It doesn’t come pouring down. They’re just gentle showers.
I think I will go change my bed and lie down in it. I’m ready to read that book and I’m ready to go to sleep, I think. I hope I don’t wake up in the middle of the night. I must stay in bed and read and try to go back to sleep if I do. I think that’s the best solution. I think getting up and drinking coffee is not at all a good idea. Why did I ever think it was? How silly of me.
Tyke’s done climbing on the table and has settled down by my feet. He has the right idea. He knows it’s bedtime. I think Gandhi has gone out no matter what the weather is like. She does have to prowl the neighborhood. I’m sure she has her dry spots to hang out in.
Sleep tight, have a good night.
Ciao,
Nora
>Rain on the brain…
>
I haven’t been to bed yet and although I’m sitting here yawning, I’ve decided to stay up a while longer. I’ve just watched an Inspector Linley episode and it was exciting as usual with a surprising ending. There’s always a twist to the story at the end that I was not counting on. When you think the mystery has been solved, it turns out to be a little more complicated than that.
Now I’m sitting here with my last cup of Senseo coffee and the next cup will be from the coffeemaker that I still have to set up. I’ll have to set the clock on it using the instruction booklet and I will have to do that some time in the middle of the night when I get up again, or early in the morning if I’m lucky. I may just surprise myself and sleep all night in one fell swoop, you never know. Stranger things have happened. Usually at this time of night I’ve already slept a few hours and I’m about ready to get up again. Now I think I’m being smart and I’m skipping that part.
Tyke is standing on the dining table again looking out the window. It pleases him so much to do this and he knows he has to be on his best behavior, otherwise it is not allowed. He can’t bother Gandhi if she’s also on the table, he has to be a good boy.
I slept until 11 o’clock this morning and had a leisurely cup of coffee while I watched the news and woke up properly. Of course, I also have to bond with Tyke in the morning, so I’m always busy when I first get up. I’m lucky that I don’t have to walk him right away, because he’ll go out back until I’m dressed and ready. I can take my time. I straightened out the kitchen afterwards and cleaned up all the debris that was strewn out over the living room floor. Tyke had been tearing things apart. He was in one of those moods. He goes looking for things to shred and they’re usually unimportant, so I let him. It gets his silliness out.
I called my sister and I think she was glad to hear from me, because it meant that I was still on speaking terms with her. It is true that for a number of days I had felt a lot of frustration with her, but as I got over my own feelings of stress and tension, I got over those feelings too and I was okay again with her and I could talk normally to her. She wanted me to come over to her house, but I had to go to an appointment with my psychiatrist first and I promised that I would come over afterwards.
I rode my bike over to see my psychiatrist and was dressed too warm in my leather jacket, but I hadn’t realized how muggy it was going to be. It had been cooler earlier, but in the afternoon it grew warmer and the sun came out, much to my surprise. It’s such unpredictable weather.
My psychiatrist and I had a good talk and we agreed, with much input from me, to decrease my antidepressants. I’m doing well now and I’m on a high dose, which doesn’t leave me much leeway for when I really need it. It’s better to lower the dose as much as I can and to increase it if necessary. I started to decrease it today. He said I should have more energy as the medication has a tendency to constrain your enthusiasm. It makes you a bit dull and flat emotionally. I didn’t have to decrease, he left the option open to me. I thought, I’m going to have to do it some time, now is as good a time as ever. I’m quite excited about doing with less medication.
I had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up the proper capsules and then I went to my sister and drank a tall glass of water with ice cubes in it. I was so thirsty. I was standing in the pharmacy completely dried out, looking at the licorice and candy, wanting some and thinking they would make me too thirsty, so I didn’t get any. I did regret that afterwards. It would have been nice to share a bag of licorice with my sister.
We had coffee in the garden in which my sister has already planted some flowering plants and it’s starting to look pretty. One flowerbed is going to be Mediterranean because it gets a lot of sun. She gave me a book that she had accidentally ordered twice. It’s by Marianna Frediksson and it’s called Inge and Mira. Last week she gave me the novel Late Night In Twisted River by John Irving. It’s a big book that she couldn’t get through. I’ll try my best. Has anybody read it? It’s possibly very boring. John Irving does do that once in a while. Write boring books.
I have to go to bed now. It’s time. I do have to try and sleep tonight, much as I’d like to stay up. I have to be sensible.
Have a good morning!
Ciao,
Nora
Another Splendid Day 