Archive for feelings
September 1, 2010 at 1:24 pm · Filed under Autumn, books, coffee, dip, dreams, feelings, grocery shopping, hypomania, moods, peanut butter, radio, relationships, sleep, state of mind, the Exfactor, weather
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I’m sure my dip that I had yesterday was of a temporary nature, because today is a brand new day and I feel much better. I was up early in the morning for a little while, but clearly had not slept enough and went back to bed and slept until 11 am. I felt very good when I woke up and I was ready to face the day. I had none of the negative feelings that I had yesterday and my outlook was much brighter.
Listening to talk radio when I go to sleep is working out very well. I leave the radio on while I sleep and wake up to it as well. I fall asleep quickly listening to it and find it very soothing. All sorts of subjects are discussed and I learn a lot if I’m not asleep, but I wonder if subconsciously I don’t also pick things up while I’m asleep, because I dream some very interesting things that I normally don’t. I think the things I hear on the radio penetrate my mind while I´m asleep and get mixed up with what I’m dreaming at night and early in the morning.
I do have a greater desire for sleep, but I think that´s not necessarily a bad thing. I´m not as hyper as I was or I should say, as over excited, and I think that is good, because it was a bit worrisome. I felt the slightest bit hypomanic, although I would have denied it if you had asked me about it. I am now speaking after the fact, when I´m calmed down. This is a much better sort of mood to be in.
I´m very appreciative of my present mood, which is much more settled and serene and doesn´t require me to have to think of ways to keep myself constantly occupied. I can be at rest and be okay with that too. I´m not going around thinking of ways to stay out of trouble and to fill every moment of the day. It is alright to have long empty pauses too. Those are just restful moments. I can sit and do nothing at all and have peace with that and stare into the middle distance and think of nothing important at all. That´s a preferable state of mind. When nothing is really very urgent and all can be taken care of in its own good time.
The Exfactor was here this afternoon and did the very necessary groceries. I was out of all sorts of things and it was a good thing that he went to the supermarket. I plan the groceries to last me exactly one week and had run out of things. I was even out of coffee and was drinking tea, which I luckily still had enough of. I do have all sorts of tea and had the Exfactor buy me some more just in case. I fixed coffee for us when he came back from the store and it tasted mighty good, but I did make a strong pot. It met with the Exfactor´s approval anyway, so I know my coffee is good. He´s a picky person.
This particular brand of coffee has points that you can save on the packages and I´m cutting them out and saving them in the kitchen drawer. Because the Exfactor drinks the same coffee. I´ve made him promise to save his points too. I don´t really know what sort of useless things you can get with them, but if they´re free, I want to get them. I just have to find the booklet to paste the points in. I think you can get silver teaspoons and other decadent items like that. I´ll have to do some research. I´m getting real greedy. I´m a typical housewife after all, but that´s not why I drink this coffee. It is just plain good. They don´t even need to give away the points.
I had the Exfactor buy me some wheat bread and peanut butter. The wheat bread is good for me and the peanut butter I like and has protein. I haven´t been eating bread for a long time, but I think it´s a good addition to my diet. I´ll be eating it instead of the porridge, because I think it has just a bit more fiber and vitamins. I know that peanut butter is more fattening, but I don´t plan to eat the whole jar all at once. I do need more protein in my diet than I´m getting from dairy products alone. I thought about getting eggs, but then I remembered that I really don´t like them all that much and that I always forget to eat them. I would like to eat some fish one of these days, but I prefer a piece of salmon from the open air market and I never go there on the right day. There´s the problem with eating fish also, because salmon is a cultivated fish and there some question about it being a healthy to eat fish. I have to find out more about this.
We finally have nice weather today. It isn´t raining for a change and although there are clouds in the sky, the sun is shining a lot. It isn´t very warm, but you get a little bit of a sense of a nice early day in fall. Meteorologically it is fall already. It has been since yesterday. I do like the month of September because we usually have nice weather. It´s like a breather before autumn really starts.
I have to make it a point to sit in my armchair this afternoon and read my novel for a while now that I don´t read before I fall asleep. I so much prefer listening to the radio and I fall asleep quicker too. I do want to spend time reading, though, and I have plenty of books left to read. I don´t want to neglect my mind. These novels I read always give me lots of food for thought, especially the ones in which relationships and their different aspects are the focus. I learn a lot about human behavior and stop being surprised and what situations bring out what sides of a person´s character. Anything at all is possible.
What I´m looking forward to most is a peanut butter sandwich and a tall glass of milk. I think that will be my special treat for today.
Have a nice day!
Ciao,
Nora
August 25, 2010 at 11:21 pm · Filed under antidepressants, bedtime, books, chores, coffee, early morning, enthusiasm, feelings, garden, pharmacy, psychiatrist, sisters, sleep, television, Tyke, weather
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I haven’t been to bed yet and although I’m sitting here yawning, I’ve decided to stay up a while longer. I’ve just watched an Inspector Linley episode and it was exciting as usual with a surprising ending. There’s always a twist to the story at the end that I was not counting on. When you think the mystery has been solved, it turns out to be a little more complicated than that.
Now I’m sitting here with my last cup of Senseo coffee and the next cup will be from the coffeemaker that I still have to set up. I’ll have to set the clock on it using the instruction booklet and I will have to do that some time in the middle of the night when I get up again, or early in the morning if I’m lucky. I may just surprise myself and sleep all night in one fell swoop, you never know. Stranger things have happened. Usually at this time of night I’ve already slept a few hours and I’m about ready to get up again. Now I think I’m being smart and I’m skipping that part.
Tyke is standing on the dining table again looking out the window. It pleases him so much to do this and he knows he has to be on his best behavior, otherwise it is not allowed. He can’t bother Gandhi if she’s also on the table, he has to be a good boy.
I slept until 11 o’clock this morning and had a leisurely cup of coffee while I watched the news and woke up properly. Of course, I also have to bond with Tyke in the morning, so I’m always busy when I first get up. I’m lucky that I don’t have to walk him right away, because he’ll go out back until I’m dressed and ready. I can take my time. I straightened out the kitchen afterwards and cleaned up all the debris that was strewn out over the living room floor. Tyke had been tearing things apart. He was in one of those moods. He goes looking for things to shred and they’re usually unimportant, so I let him. It gets his silliness out.
I called my sister and I think she was glad to hear from me, because it meant that I was still on speaking terms with her. It is true that for a number of days I had felt a lot of frustration with her, but as I got over my own feelings of stress and tension, I got over those feelings too and I was okay again with her and I could talk normally to her. She wanted me to come over to her house, but I had to go to an appointment with my psychiatrist first and I promised that I would come over afterwards.
I rode my bike over to see my psychiatrist and was dressed too warm in my leather jacket, but I hadn’t realized how muggy it was going to be. It had been cooler earlier, but in the afternoon it grew warmer and the sun came out, much to my surprise. It’s such unpredictable weather.
My psychiatrist and I had a good talk and we agreed, with much input from me, to decrease my antidepressants. I’m doing well now and I’m on a high dose, which doesn’t leave me much leeway for when I really need it. It’s better to lower the dose as much as I can and to increase it if necessary. I started to decrease it today. He said I should have more energy as the medication has a tendency to constrain your enthusiasm. It makes you a bit dull and flat emotionally. I didn’t have to decrease, he left the option open to me. I thought, I’m going to have to do it some time, now is as good a time as ever. I’m quite excited about doing with less medication.
I had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up the proper capsules and then I went to my sister and drank a tall glass of water with ice cubes in it. I was so thirsty. I was standing in the pharmacy completely dried out, looking at the licorice and candy, wanting some and thinking they would make me too thirsty, so I didn’t get any. I did regret that afterwards. It would have been nice to share a bag of licorice with my sister.
We had coffee in the garden in which my sister has already planted some flowering plants and it’s starting to look pretty. One flowerbed is going to be Mediterranean because it gets a lot of sun. She gave me a book that she had accidentally ordered twice. It’s by Marianna Frediksson and it’s called Inge and Mira. Last week she gave me the novel Late Night In Twisted River by John Irving. It’s a big book that she couldn’t get through. I’ll try my best. Has anybody read it? It’s possibly very boring. John Irving does do that once in a while. Write boring books.
I have to go to bed now. It’s time. I do have to try and sleep tonight, much as I’d like to stay up. I have to be sensible.
Have a good morning!
Ciao,
Nora
August 19, 2010 at 7:55 pm · Filed under an ordinary day, Bookmooch, books, cheese, coffee, feelings, nap, shoes, sisters, sofa, Tyke, weather
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Today was a nice enough day. I did nothing very important at all and that was just fine with me. I am convinced that there ought to be days like that in which I do nothing earth shattering and that are completely forgetful.
Well, let me correct that, it wasn’t quite that forgetful. I did have coffee this morning with my sisters so that was a memorable occasion. It’s not very often that the three of us sit together and reminisce about love and life. I think my older sister feels a little bit left out because she lives so far away and never gets to share her feelings except over the phone which is a lousy way to do it.
It has been an eye opener to have the three of us together and to see our different strengths and weaknesses. It was like looking into different mirrors and seeing multiple reflections. I very much saw my own strengths and was not disappointed. I measure up pretty well, but I saw strengths in them too and was surprised. I suppose I saw humanity reflected in them more than anything. The basic state of being a human being.
In the afternoon I took a long nap on the sofa because I had only slept 5 hours during the night. That was not enough sleep to make it through the day. I was watching Sail 2010 with the tall sailing ships and gently drifted off to sleep. I was awakened by the loud ringing of the intercom because a delivery person was there with a book I had ordered and the package didn’t fit in the mailbox which was highly inconvenient. It’s horrible to be awakened like that. That bell rings very loud and it scares you half to death.The other book I had ordered had been sent separately and it had fit in the mailbox because of different packaging. The one hand not knowing what the other hand is doing, I guess.
I had a cup of coffee to clear up the cobwebs in my mind and a piece of Brie against the hunger, that always helps. I do love the flavor of a good piece of Brie and it satisfies me so much. Tyke likes it too. It is our favorite snack.
My younger sister called me at 7 o’clock because she had bought me the slippers that I wanted. I had told her about them and said that I had been looking for them and she had found a pair downtown. After I walked Tyke, I rode my bike over there and tried them on. They fit perfectly and are very comfortable and exactly what I wanted. They are preformed for your foot and the slipper fits high on your arch so it doesn’t slide off easily. My sister wouldn’t let me pay for them and said they were a gift. My older sister had already given me money so I have been spoiled enough. I have very kind sisters.
We had coffee together out on the patio because the weather had decided to turn nice. There were pretty clouds in the sky and both the sun and the moon were out. The temperature was just right and it’s supposed to be warm and sunny tomorrow. That will be a change from the cloudy and cool weather we have had all month. There will be no more rain for the next couple of days.
I have to send away 5 books for Bookmooch and I was worried that no one would want the books that I had listed. Every morning there is a new request. I have to finish mooching books myself, but I have to take some time picking them out. Maybe I’ll do that tonight. I feel like staying up for a while because it’s so cozy here by the desk lamp with my glass of milk and my cigarette.
Tyke is sitting on the dining room table looking out the window. I gave him special permission and he realizes how lucky he is. He is behaving very well and he’s small enough to allow him to do something like this. He thinks he sees all sorts of interesting things outside, but I think they are all illusions. I won’t let him know this, though, and let him keep on believing this.
I hope you all had a good day and are about to have a good night.
Ciao,
Nora
July 26, 2010 at 5:36 am · Filed under clothes, feelings, moods, reality, subconscious, Tyke, weather
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Things go a lot better once you stop artificially pumping up your feelings to a level of elation and joyfulness you try to achieve to get into the bright eyed and bushy tailed mood you think you’re supposed to be in. For some reason, It was very important to me to always appear cheerful and happy, like a clown with a big smile permanently plastered on his face, and when I didn’t achieve this, I subconsciously altered my feelings to try and get myself into the corresponding mood. When I failed, I became depressed and not a little bit. Everything must be wrong with the world if I could not achieve cheerfulness.
Yesterday I decided to stop doing that. To stop artificially feeling something else than what I was really feeling and I’m going to do that every day. I’m going to take inventory every morning and ask myself how I truly feel and not just blindly that I now, this minute, need to be elated and joyful. That I need to exist on a higher plane, dislocated from the real world.
If I am not quite happy, which in reality a lot of times I am not, then so be it. That’s the state I will find myself in that day and that is how I will function, because I will not stop functioning. Being not quite happy will at least be closer to reality and maybe it will give me a chance to improve the things that need to be improved. That I’m not quite happy with. Maybe it will wipe out the extreme short term thinking that I do and make me see things more in a wider, longer term perspective. At least it will place me with both my feet firmly planted on the ground.
So, that’s the state of mind I find myself in on this very cool and cloudy Monday morning. It’s 15C (59F) and I’m certainly not complaining about the weather. I will wear my denim jacket when I walk the dog, which is really too big on me and I should buy another one, but that’s of later concern. Next month maybe.
It rained a little bit last night and it’s supposed to rain today, but you know how I feel about the promises of the weather people. I’ll believe it when I see it. The weather is very fickle and you can’t depend on the forecast.
Tyke tells me it is time to go for a walk, so I’ll pay attention to him and go. He is right, it is time.
Have a good day, people.
Ciao,
Nora
April 11, 2010 at 5:56 am · Filed under depression, feelings, medicines, philosophy, self image, sofa, the children
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I’m afraid I went through a horrible dip yesterday during which I saw nothing but the bottom of the pit and I thought that I would never be happy again. Then I realized that I had not taken my 6 pm medicines and that it was probably the cause of my grief. It took me a while to get back to normal, but I did eventually and stopped crying and got involved in watching a tv program and then an exciting series and I forgot all about being miserable and soon wasn’t anymore. I think the medicine had started to work and I think that my effexor needs to be increased as I seem to need that most. I was near suicidal at one point and certainly didn’t feel that way later on and haven’t since then.
I think when I get that low I forget everything else that I’ve ever felt and only know the feelings of that moment and they are all black and I don’t see any sparks of light anymore. You could say to me quite logically that I did not feel that way in the morning, but it would not make the least bit of sense to me, as I could only tell you of my despair at the moment and my wish to end it all, however short and intense that feeling might be. Once my medicine starts to work, the sun comes up again and I start to feel other things besides despair and the heavy load gets lightened and I feel relieved and relaxed again. You could say that is nothing but addiction, but I remember having those feelings before I took medicines and being very crippled by them. I hid them very well from the world around me, I thought, but maybe this is not true. I’m sure it’s not true and it made a large impact on the upbringing of my children, who turned out well in spite of me.
You see that in reality I lack a certain amount of self assurance and that my self image isn’t much to write home about either. I can act tough, but not be it. The tougher I act, the uneasier I stand. If I have a big mouth, it is only to outshout myself.
Well, so much for philosophising. I do get deep sometimes, don’t I? It’s to calm the waters inside of me that are in turmoil. I have a lot of that going on sometimes.
I’m going to lie on the sofa for a while longer. I took my medicines fifteen minutes ago, half an hour too late. No doubt we’re going to get the now famous sadness effect in a while and I want to be asleep when that hits. My duvet should be dry now and I can sleep in my bed tonight.
Have a splendid day all of you.
Ciao,
Nora
March 29, 2010 at 8:36 am · Filed under coffee, energy, feelings, Gandhi, patience, the Exfactor, tobacco shop, Tyke, waking up
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I’ve just made myself another cup of coffee to get the sluggishness out of my system that is usually there in the morning when I first have gotten up. I’m very much looking forward to the day when it won’t be there. As a matter of fact, I think I am going to have to take a proactive stand in that and make the decision about that myself. Yes, I think that will be best.
I’m almost out of tobacco and must go to the tobacconist right away at 8:30. I also have to remember to buy some lighters, because I’m using matches now and they don’t work very well. They are inferior matches.
There’s nothing like a few cups of coffee to set your world right. It can change your whole outlook on life. That is, as long as you don’t dig too deep. You just have to stay near the surface. That’s where I’ve been keeping myself for years now. Living a shallow life. Trying not to feel anything too much, but being overwhelmed by my feelings anyway as if they were a disease that needed to be cured.
Not too long ago I asserted that I didn’t need too much coffee to keep me going during the day, but lately I’ve been finding that the opposite is true. Well, I need about 5 or 6 cups, although very often I don’t finish all of them and have to throw the last bit away because it is cold, and they are really mugs, not cups. That’s why the coffee always ends up getting cold. A mug is too much and a cup is not enough. I do have a “mup” that’s just right.
I went to the tobacconist with Tyke and forgot to buy lighters. I tore the apartment upside down to look for some and found a box of better matches, but it’s a small box. I called the Exfactor, who had said he might be by today, to bring me a lighter, but now he’s not sure if he’s coming. I’ll have to go back to the store to buy lighters and I am not amused. I’m having a hard time understanding the Exfactor on my mobile phone and it sounds like he is mumbling, when I say that I can’t understand him, he mumbles louder. I also don’t understand my psychiatrist who always insists on calling me on my mobile phone instead of my land line. It sounds like he is whispering. Now I don’t know if I need to have my ears checked or if it is their problem.
Gandhi barfed on the stove. Tyke tore my whole Trivial Pursuit game apart in the bedroom and it is all over the place. I can just get a trash bag and throw it all away. I haven’t done any cleaning, nor have I done the dishes. I am out of patience and out of energy and I need a vacation. I want to run away from home. Instead of that, I will clean up the cat barf and clean up my bedroom and do the dishes and dust my computer desk, but that will be it.
So, I better get to it then. There is no rest for the wicked. There is only postponement.
Have a good day.
Ciao,
Nora
March 20, 2010 at 8:27 pm · Filed under a long night, blog, blog post, cigarettes, coffee, dramas, feelings, followers, photographs, ratings, watch
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An infinitesimal amount of people visited my blog today. I will not for one minute worry about being well known enough and start thinking of marketing strategies or popularity campaigns, though I’m sure that all such schemes exist. I’ve noticed that the most simple and insignificant blogs pull in the most followers and that long winded ramblers like me seldom get high up there in the ratings. There’s too much to read and people just want something quick and not a treatise on life at my house. However, I always have much to say, and since it’s my blog and I will keep saying it, I won’t start worrying until the numbers start to really dwindle. Until I’m a lone voice in the desert.
I know that when I write a post about suicide attempts, or self harm, or a total nervous breakdown, with all the drama and tears to go with it, my readership suddenly goes up and I don’t know why that is. So, I’m thinking that I must start making things up and have one of those events happen regularly and have lots of drama happen in my life, just as things are slowing down to a dull roar.
I also should post lots of pictures, because people seem to like them, so I’ll have to start taking lot’s of photographs of Tyke and the cats, which reminds me that I have to put batteries in my camera.
There, I took a bunch of pictures and then had to edit or delete them and locate them on the computer and stick them in a map where I could find them and it was all a little bit tiresome on a new computer. It didn’t quite work the same way it did on my old computer, so I had to cheat a bit. A lot of my photographs are stored in Documents, because I could not get them into Images, and I had to store these in Documents also.
I just had to take my medicines and make myself a cup of coffee, because I had a complete sinking in moment. Suddenly life didn’t seem all that wonderful and I hope to get over it quickly as soon as I’ve had my cup of coffee. I know, they are only fleeting feelings.
I bought a cigarette holder today that had a sticker on it that said, “Push here to open,” and of course the first thing I did was remove the sticker, so now nobody will know how to open it but me. I also found an old watch with an adjustable metal band in my jewelry box and managed to get it off and attach it to the watch that was still working, but had a broken band. So, I solved that problem. Now the Exfactor doesn’t need to go get a new battery for the other watch that stil has a band. The watch I have on is prettier and I bought it myself. It was one of my first purchases as a single woman.
I´m done writing this post now. I´m not all that satisfied with it, but I´m going to publish it anyway. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don´t. think I started out feeling like a nut when I first began this one. You know what you do when you write an unsatisfactory post, don´t you? You immediately start writing another one. I have the feeling that I´m staying up late tonight. It is Saturday after all and I must have my wild night too.
Have a good evening.
Ciao,
Nora
March 19, 2010 at 5:59 pm · Filed under anxiety, buddhism, coffee, craving, feelings, medicines, moods, Social Services, spirituality, SPN, wellbeing
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Buddha himself couldn’t have felt more at peace with the world than I do now and feel such inner happiness. Okay, I’m exaggerating. I’m sure I haven’t quite reached those spiritual heights, but I do feel good. I’m quite contended with myself and the world I live in and there’s not very much I could complain about right now and if I did, I’d be a fool. I realize that this is a mood and that like all moods it has a beginning and an ending, but I’m going to enjoy it as long as it lasts. I don’t want anyone coming along and messing with it.
My SPN and I went to the meeting with my contact person at Social Services today and the thumb screws weren’t put on me to get me out there and get to work as quickly as possible, as a matter of fact, I’m now released from renewing my status as a work seeker every three months in order to keep my right to my monthly allowance. That means that nobody can force me to take a job or make me look for one, nor do I have to do any volunteer work. I’m completely released from that pressure. All I have to do is follow my therapy with my SPN, take my medication, see my psychiatrist and get better.
It was a good thing that my SPN was with me, because it gave a lot of clarity by her asking all the right questions and providing background information. I was overwhelmed by the conversation and had to digest it all when we left there, and then acted silly in the car to get rid of the tension. My SPN is so absolutely cool.
That’s why I am in such an excellent mood, because I feel like the weight of the world has fallen off my shoulders and I can breathe freely again. A lot of my anxiety is gone. I’d been struggling with that portion of my life for a long time. I felt so very much beholden to the system.
Well, I’m sure I’ll find something else to feel anxious about. It is after all in the nature of the beast, but it will not be continually, it will only be sometimes. That’s another thing I’m learning. Feelings are temporary conditions, they come and go. You don’t get stuck in them. They are very fleeting, and another thing I’m learning is that you always return to your center of gravity where there is rest and peace. You don’t have to be all over the place, going from one emotion to another. Sometimes there is just wellbeing. A lot of times, maybe.
I’ve just had my third and last cup of coffee for today . It tasted very nice and was worth the long wait, but I must say that I did not crave it all day long. There was no great longing for caffeine. This new medication seems to take care of all sorts of cravings. It’s a very soothing medicine. It makes you feel very calm. I’ve never had that happen with a medicine before.
I’ve got to go walk Tyke before it’s completely dark outside.
Have a happy evening!
Ciao,
Nora
March 3, 2010 at 1:27 pm · Filed under bathrobe, behaviors, coffee, emotions, excitement, feelings, medication, milk, pajamas, side effect, sleep, Tyke, weather
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I’m having a very sleepy day. Each time I get up and think I’m done sleeping, it turns out I’m wrong and I have to go back to the sofa and sleep a few more hours and that is how I’ve been passing the time today. No cup of coffee has helped me get over it yet and I don’t want to drink too much coffee, so I’ve switched to drinking cold milk. Tyke has been very accommodating and only wrecked the plant on the coffee table while I was asleep. That’s the most damage he’s done in all those hours and I couldn’t even get mad about it. It wasn’t his fault that he was left unsupervised and bored to tears.
I’m trying to pull myself together now, but I’m still sitting here in my pajamas and bathrobe and I don’t know when I’ll get dressed or if I’ll get dressed. If I hadn’t just been sick, I’d say I was getting sick, but I know I’m not. It’s purely psychological, this tiredness. Maybe it is in reaction to the excitement I’ve been feeling at the prospect of me quitting my medication and that playing such a large role in my life these past few days. The thought has consumed me.
I’m also looking a lot at my feelings and emotions and behavior and deciding what is within the range of ‘normal’ and what could be labeled as pathological, or what could actually be a side effect of all the drugs I take. I’ve decided that a lot of it is ‘normal’ and that I’m not as far off course as I think I am. Certain feelings disappear quickly if I don’t put a label on them. Like snow for the sun. It’s the labeling that makes them important and pathological. It makes me look crazier than I am. It’s something that I can change right now this minute.
The drugs I take have so many side effects that it’s not even funny. If you read about the side effects, you would think long and hard before taking them, and taking them in combination with each other too. It’s really no wonder that I have such altering moods during the day and that I have anxiety attacks and that I’m so tired so often and that I basically lack a personality.
Well, that’s enough about that for now. It does rile me up.
The sun has been shining all day as far as I know. There’s a bright blue sky and it’s 5C. It’s warm inside the living room because the sun shines right into the windows, which is nice in the wintertime, but not so nice in the summertime when it’s hot. Oh look, I’m complaining about the summertime and it’s not even spring yet.
I’m going to get dressed and walk the dog. The poor animal does have to go out once in a while.
Have a happy day.
Ciao,
Nora
February 4, 2010 at 10:20 pm · Filed under feelings, Jesker, medication, moods, nap, Rapid cycling., the flowerbeds, Tyke
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I took a three hour long nap this afternoon. That goes to show you how short of sleep I was. I do have to admit that I took 10 mg of temazepam to steady my nerves, because they became slightly unhinged at about 3 pm like they used to in the olden days when I was still married. Three o’clock in the afternoon seems to be the magic hour for that. That’s when whatever I was holding together becomes undone and I become frazzled.
It’s a good time to go to sleep, and you will all remember the sign I used to have that said something like, “This is a Rapid Cycle, Go to Sleep Now.” I don’t know what’s become of it. I never did find it again after the Exfactor moved out. Maybe I thought I wouldn’t need it anymore and threw it out. I did blame him for my daily rapid cycles, because I got them usually around the time he came home in the afternoon. Now I just seem to have rapid cycles all on my own, without any body’s help. That’s a pretty good trick.
I have to pay better attention to these things, because I think this has been going on for a while. I always seem to forget the most important bits of information about myself. Knowledge that I have and that seems to get lost in the vagueness of my mind, but that’s very crucial to understanding myself. I don’t always feel a certain way. I feel certain ways sometimes and not all the time. I go from elation to despair and back again repeatedly and I have to remember that, otherwise I’ll ignore my whole realm of feelings and claim that the whole 24 hours were one and the same thing when they were not.
Anyway, Tyke behaved beautifully while I was asleep and I can only surmise that he takes the lead from Jesker. I thought he might get into all sorts of trouble, but he didn’t. He was happy when I woke up, but then so was Jesker, and I both let them out back for a piddle. I cleaned up the patio and now have a lot of mulch in the flowerbed and Tyke has decided to poop there, which is good fertilizer. The only thing I have growing there is the nearly out of control winter blooming Jasmine and nothing can kill it. I did invest in some large plastic bags, so one thing I can do is clean up the flowerbed regularly. I really don’t think the dog poop is going to compost that quickly and it will turn into a mess in no time.
One thing I’m finding out tonight is that Tyke is a sex maniac and wants to have sex with everything and everybody. Even the cats aren’t safe. Now I will have to look into having him neutered, so I better start saving my money for that. The hormones must be raging through his body.
Well, if you missed the photos of the dogs go here. I’m going to get ready for bed. It’s been a long and exciting day, believe it or not.
Have a good night!
Ciao.
There, I took a bunch of pictures and then had to edit or delete them and locate them on the computer and stick them in a map where I could find them and it was all a little bit tiresome on a new computer. It didn’t quite work the same way it did on my old computer, so I had to cheat a bit. A lot of my photographs are stored in Documents, because I could not get them into Images, and I had to store these in Documents also.
Another Splendid Day 