Archive for kitchen

>By Moonlight…

January 17, 2011 at 4:18 am · Filed under armchair, bedtime, coffee, contemplation, Gandhi, kitchen, language, leather jacket, medicines, moods, motivation, personal helper, radio, shower, sisters, sleep, Sunday, television, Tyke

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Four hours of sleep is not a lot, but that’s all I’ve had so far. This means that I will have to go back to bed later and sleep some more, but I can’t sleep late, because my Belgian personal helper is coming at eleven o’clock this morning. I also still have to clean up the kitchen, which is a bit of a mess. I’m not about to let her see how much of a mess it is, so I do have to get it organized. I suppose I’ll do that before I go back to bed.
If I’m going to do that, I may as well stay up and take a shower and get that out of the way and get dressed and when I get to that point, I may as well forget about going to sleep again. I may take a short nap on the sofa, but that will be it. 
I’ve got no one to blame for it but myself, as I could have cleaned up the kitchen this weekend, but was too preoccupied. I was having too good a time to do it and I do like putting things off until the last minute, feeling that I’m better able to do them then. I work well under the pressure of time. It motivates me. 
I was in an excellent mood yesterday, despite the fact that it was the second day that I had so radically reduced my medicines. It didn’t seem to bother me at all, after I thought that it had on Saturday. That must have been a figment of my imagination. I feel better than I have in a long time and it is noticeable in my whole demeanor. Even I can observe myself and see that I function better. I’m not a slow slug anymore.
As Sundays go, it was a good day. I never have very high expectations of that day, so anything that goes well is icing on the cake. It was a sunshiny day and not too cold and it was a pleasure to take Tyke out in my not so heavy leather jacket and winter scarf. We walked a little bit of a different route and Tyke had many opportunities to be very macho and assert himself with typical young male dog behavior. It included a lot of general growling and posing. He does have a busy life once he gets outside. It’s a lot of fun to watch him. 
I visited my sister and her friend in the afternoon and rode my bike over there. It is finally possible to ride my bike again, but I do notice that I’m a little bit out of shape after not riding it all that time that there was snow and ice. I have to build up my stamina again. My sister’s friend had gone to the bakery in the morning and had gotten delicious cakes, one of which was almost solid chocolate, a slice of which I had with a cafe latte and it was truly decadent. The coffee was not bad either and packed a real punch, just the way I like it. 
We had a nice time speaking in our best possible English, interspersed with Italian when the conversation got stuck and I’m now to the point that I’m even starting to get the drift of that. My sister is in her third year of Italian lessons and will do three more years.
When I got home, the critters where waiting for me and I had to abundantly greet them, though I had the feeling that they both had been asleep the whole time I had been away.  I made sure that Gandhi got equal attention after Tyke hogged all of his. That’s best done when she hops on the kitchen counter and I can pet her there, away from him. Of course, they had to be fed and ate their food with great appetite. Tyke always acts like I starve him. He’s an eating machine.
It was good to sit down in my armchair and smoke a cigarette and contemplate my navel for a while. I hadn’t done so all day. Some solitude is nice. I could be a Buddhist on a part time basis. I’m not disciplined enough to be one full time. Besides, I don’t think they’re allowed to smoke.
I don’t remember what I watched on television. That’s how little impression it made on me. I went to bed early and listened to the radio. It’s a little bit colder at night now and it felt great to get under the duvet. I have to make sure that I get enough of it, because Tyke gets on the bed and pulls it away from me. Gandhi gets on the bed too, but sleeps beside my pillows very ladylike. 
The subject on the radio was North Korea and how the government there opens restaurants all over the world named Pyongyang, which really maybe spy safe houses and places to whitewash false hundred dollar bills. How true this is I don’t know. It’s all a hypothesis. The food is supposed to be very good. There’s supposed to be one restaurant in Amsterdam. 
With that intriguing bit of information I’m going to leave you. I think I will take a shower.  I still have my head on straight, so now is as good a time as ever.
Have a great day!
Ciao,
Nora
 

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>Slow time…

December 9, 2010 at 6:16 pm · Filed under chores, health care, house plants, kitchen, laundry, mail, nap, patio, playing with Tyke

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Although I really slept well last night, I took a four hour nap on the sofa this afternoon, which seems pretty incredible to me too. I can’t believe I slept for such a long time and needed a cup of coffee immediately when I woke up. 
It did me a world of good and I felt very satisfied and sated afterwards and in a good mood. I must have really needed that sleep, which goes to show you that I tire easily from doing the most ordinary chores and that I don’t always get enough sleep at night and need to catch up on that every once in a while. 
The first thing I did this morning was go to the patio and clean up Tyke’s poop that had been covered up by the snow that now had melted and revealed everything. It was quite a unpleasant job and I had been putting it of. 
After washing my hands thoroughly under hot water, I took the laundry off the drying rack and folded it and put it away and took the next load out of the washing machine and hung it up to dry. 
This is one of the jobs I like to do and I think it has to do with my sense of order. I like hanging up things neatly and putting them away, knowing that each thing has its place. When I get frustrated, I know it is because my closet is not in order and I need to clean it up.

Next, I got the mail out of the mailbox and was rewarded with my new health insurance policy which I had been waiting for. I had taken care of changes on my policy on line, but because there had been problems with the website, I didn’t know if the changes had gone through properly and I was expecting all sorts of problems. I had called the help desk of the insurance company, but their computers were giving them problems and I only got a vague promise that it would be taken care of. 
It’s nice when something does work out right. This had been bothering me very much and was one of the reasons why I had been so nervous, because I anticipated all sorts of difficulties which I would not be able to put to rights and which would end up costing me precious money. I guess I do have to trust in the competence of other people and happy endings. Let this be a lesson to me. 
I stripped my bed with Tyke’s generous help and put clean sheets on it, which makes me look forward to getting into it tonight. I think Tyke looks forward to it also. I put the used sheets in the washing machine and am hoping to add some other laundry to it. I have to go around the apartment and look for some.
I cleaned up the kitchen, which always needs cleaning, and picked up the leaves of the ivy plant in the living room. I had given it too much water and nearly drowned it, and as a result it lost more than half of its leaves over a period of time. I am waiting for the soil to dry out and won’t water it for a long time now. 
That’s one thing I always do wrong. I always over water my plants. I’m good with outside plants, but I don’t do well with indoor plants. I don’t have a green thumb for them at all and don’t have any feeling for it whatsoever. I’ve already nearly killed another plant and I’m waiting for it to come back to life. I think I should have fake plants, though I would probably try to water them too in a subconscious attempt to kill them.
That’s when I succumbed to my need to take a nap and I turned up the thermostat and laid down on the sofa to sleep for a while, which turned into a long while. It took up most of my afternoon. 
Oh, now Tyke wants to play with me and the ball and I’m supposed to get it away from him. That’s an endless exercise in frustration unless he decides to kindly let go. I’m just going to ignore him until he drops it beside me. I think that’s the best method. 
Have a good evening!
Ciao,
Nora
 

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>Not moving yet.

March 4, 2010 at 11:17 am · Filed under activities, antipsychotic, anxiety, bathroom, courage, husbands and wives, kitchen, paperwork, postponement, sanity, the Exfactor, tomorrow

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I find myself delaying moving from this chair until the Exfactor gets here. There’s an unwillingness to get myself involved in my daily activities and I want to ignore all of them and pretend they don’t exist. Just for now I can’t handle facing them on my own and I need another body here to help soften the blow. I know what is ahead of me and I don’t want to face it. Instead I sit here and find excuses not to move my butt and to smoke another cigarette and to have another cup of coffee. I know I can’t endlessly delay the inevitable and I’m just buying myself time now, but it feels like a stay of execution and every minute counts as one more lived through without terror.

I didn’t take my antipsychotic pill this morning and I don’t feel bad for not having taken it. I don’t miss not having taken it. I plan on taking 2 tonight instead of the 3 I take during the day. That will mean that I’m back to my original dose and my original schedule. They make you sleepy, so it’s good to take them at night. The amount of anxiety I feel now is the same I’ve been feeling for these past few days and it is about the same things. Taking care of things that I’m afraid to face. That I think will overwhelm me and that I’m not capable of taking care of properly. I don’t have enough faith in myself.

It is hard to live with the fact that I scare so easily. That I’m afraid to open an envelope of which I can anticipate the contents. I scare myself half to death with the very idea of what’s inside it and am unwilling to open it to see the truth. Behind every formal piece of paper I see unkind bureaucrats who don’t give a hoot about me and my fears and who only want me to produce the proper papers and answers to their questions or else… I feel the sword of Damocles hang over me.

So I postpone and buy myself time until the moment arrives that I can deal with it and right now I’ve decided that it is when the Exfactor is here so I won’t be alone when I read what’s expected of me. Being cowardly is a very tough thing to be, because it makes you dependent on other people and their kindness towards you. They can decide not to show up and not to be kind and helpful and you just have to hope for the best. You carefully balance all your well laid plans and schemes to get yourself through the coming days. There’s always a tomorrow, but sometimes tomorrow is too late.

I wish I had courage and I do at times have great courage, but it seems to desert me now. I’m completely intimidated by my life. Or some of the aspects of it. The interference of it from the outside and the expectations of it from other people. But also the basic things such as taking care of details properly. Doing groceries should not be that hard, but to me it’s like being asked to move a mountain. Getting dressed propperly should not be that difficult, but I find it a chore and one that I put off until there is no other choice. It confuses me to no end. Choosing what to wear is hard.

I want you to know that as I’m writing this, I’m completely in my right mind. I’m not panicking or running amok. I’m just clearly stating the facts. As a matter of fact, I’m very calm, but worn out from worrying. I just called the Exfactor to make sure he’s going to be here and he is, so that’s a relief. He said for me to start making a shopping list. I’m glad he’s such a dependable person. I need about three of him in my life. I should have three husbands all living in their own houses, but all performing some task in my life, the least of which would be to provide me with love.

I’m going to clean up the kitchen now. It is a bit of a debacle, if a kitchen can be called that. It’s for me to wonder how it gets that way. Mysteries to be solved, like the bathroom that is always in a state of disaster. Too many clothes and too many boots. Not enough organization.

Ciao,
Nora

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>Of thoughts and other things…

January 19, 2010 at 6:12 pm · Filed under activities, doctor, early morning, hairdresser, Jesker, kitchen, psychiatrist, sleep, the Exfactor, walks

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When I was asleep this morning, the doorbell rang and I went to answer it with my sleepy head, hair sticking up, in my pajamas. It was the maintenance man from the housing corporation who came to check the apartment for any repairs it might need. I was incoherent and he asked me if it was a bad time. I said, yes, it was, and asked him to come back later and he said he would come back in the afternoon and I went back to bed and slept another hour. I’m as cool as a cucumber, aren’t I? Then I thought I had better get up and drink a slew of coffee so that I would be properly awake when he came back, because I also had to get dressed, of course, and walk the dog. I downed two cups of coffee and smoked a bunch of cigarettes and then I was ready to get the show on the road.

The dog and I made our longer walk, which is going to be our normal walk from now on, as it seems to be just the right distance for him to be able to handle with his old legs. He likes it very much, because there are very many interesting spots to sniff, many hedges and trees and bushes and walls. You do have to do an old dog a favor at his age. He has to lay claim to as much of the neighborhood as he can.

Just as we got back to the apartment, the Exfactor got there and came to have a cup of coffee, and right after he showed up, the maintenance man returned and put a new faucet over the kitchen sink. He said the one I had was leaking and I hadn’t even noticed it. Maintenance men have special talents for these defects, they spot them quicker than the average housewife.

I discussed my growing nodules with the Exfactor and decided right then and there to call my GP and make an appointment. I’m going to see him Thursday afternoon. After I had done that and discussed it with the Exfactor, I became very anxious and worried, because it has been easier to ignore the problem and acknowledging it causes stress.

After the Exfactor left, I tried to call my hairdresser, but got a busy signal. An hour later I still got a busy signal, so I decided to walk over there and make an appointment. It turned out that someone there had not put the phone down properly and that’s why I kept getting the busy signal. I made an appointment for Thursday morning. My hair will be very happy.

When I got home, my psychiatrist called and we made an appointment for me to see him next week. He is also sending a prescription for some new medication to the pharmacy. He has a very soft voice over the telephone, so I’m constantly saying, “Pardon?” I do have to point that out to him when I see him next.

I am now in the process of trying to get a hold of the woman who trims and bathes the dog, but I’m unsuccessful so far. I have two numbers for her, but I get no answer. The dog really needs a haircut and he really needs a bath.

So, it’s been a crazy day, a very unsettled day, I guess, and I don’t know what to make of it. I am ready for it to come to an end, I think, but it’s awfully early still and not yet time to go to bed. I will get something to eat in a little while and watch the news and slowly start winding down, as I feel just a bit hyper at the moment and I feel that I have to relax and unwind. Here I’m going from almost no activity, to a lot of activity and it’s taking its toll on me. I do feel physically tired, though, so that is good. I mean, I don’t feel like changing the furniture around or changing my blog template. I’m too wiped out for that.

I have walked the dog, twice in an hour. The second time I don’t know what was going on, but he insisted that he had to go out, although he walked very slowly and stumbled once. We did our little round and maybe he just wanted to go by his old spots.

Alright then, food it is and my pajamas on. Have a good evening, everyone.

Ciao,
Nora

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>A story in the middle of the night.

January 6, 2010 at 4:35 am · Filed under card swap, diary, energy, hair, Jesker, kitchen, middle of the night, short stories, the living room, weather

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I woke up after I had been asleep for a few hours and got up, because I was wide awake. I don´t mind being awake in the middle of the night, because that´s when I feel best and I´m the least intimidated by life. I am also very clearheaded and I can think straight and as a result of that, I was able to write a story that I was supposed to write for an on line magazine that is going to be published on January the 15th, so I was cutting it close. I already knew the ending, so I just had to write the beginning and the middle of it. I´ll point you to it when it is published.

I was hoping that I would have enough energy to also clean up the kitchen, but I think I´m running out of steam now, unless I get my second wind any time soon, but I actually feel myself collapsing now. It´s a real shame, because I was going full steam ahead and I would have liked to keep going. I think if you´re yawning it´s a sign that you need to go back to sleep. My dog is very loyally asleep beside me and I think he would prefer to sleep on his pillow also. I don´t want to keep him from that pleasure too long.

I keep thinking about that photo diary I made and I can´t wait to receive in the mail. I´m so much looking forward to it. It has 29 photos in it, so that´s quite a bit. It will look splendid when I get it. It´s one point of sparkly bright light in my life. There will be others, I´m sure. Getting the story accepted as I wrote it and published will be another. I´m also involved in a card swap that is starting up now and I just found out which person I am matched up with. You swap any kind of card, post cards, playing cards, greeting cards, tarot cards, Christmas cards, business cards, home made cards, you name it. That´s another spark of light.

Well, I´m getting my second wind and the dog has moved to more comfortable quarters. I´m listening to some happy music, which goes to prove that being up in the middle of the night can be a very good thing. Maybe I will switch my 12 hour shifts around. I can pretend to have nothing to do with the daytime at all, but just let the dog out at regular intervals. Ha, if it were only that simple. I do have to go out now and then and forage for food and go see my SPN. But it really almost is that simple.

I have to wash my hair and condition it. It is very dry and sticking up all over the place. I look like a wild woman, which I am at heart. Just a very subdued wild woman. I will do that after I clean up the kitchen. Oh yes, I´m going to do that next. I will feel good once I have it done and that is good for my self esteem. I may even sweep the living room. Well, maybe. I mustn´t make myself to many promises. I get over courageous and then things don´t work out and I feel bad.

It´s -7C outside and foggy. That means no more new snow, but what there is, is freezing and getting slippery. It´s darn near dangerous to walk outside with how icy everything is getting. I vote for warmer temperatures and rain. I´m sure a lot of people are, except little kids with sleds and patient parents.

Alright. I´m off to clean the kitchen, wish me luck. I need it.

Ciao,
Nora

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>It never did…

December 14, 2009 at 5:09 am · Filed under computer, furniture, house cleaning, kitchen, middle of the night, music, the animals, vitamins

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Well, it never did turn into time to go to bed and I have been busy all night. It turned out that the cable that was so long in the kitchen closet, and that was attached to the modem, was the cable that was attached to the computer, which meant that there was enough cable there for me to move the computer across the living room to the corner where the black and white chair was standing. This was perfect, so I started taking things off the computer desk so I could move it and I unplugged it from the wall. I had to unplug the sound system, but I could leave the rest of the cables plugged in and moved the whole desk with the computer on it. It wasn’t heavy and I easily slid it across the room. Once there, I installed the sound system again and plugged the computer in and checked that everything worked and it did. I was so proud of myself. I do have to tuck the cable into the baseboards, but I’ll have to do some hammering for that and I obviously can’t do that now.

I moved the black and white chair to were the computer desk used to be and put a painted wooden crate next to it with a plant on top and an astray from Italy beside it. I’ll have to get a proper little table for there, but this will do for now. Now the sitting area is completely done, except for the different colored blinds I want to get, but there’s no rush. I will all happen in it’s own sweet time. The computer desk is right beside a radiator and just tonight it got so cold outside that the heater came on and it got toasty warm in this corner, so that was very pleasant.

The sound system is working and I’m listening to Feist. I was listening to Linkin’ Park earlier. It gets me in the right mood. Hell, anything is bound to get me in the right mood now. I don’t know what is wrong with me and where all this energy is coming from, but it’s great. I remember having this much energy twenty years ago, but not recently. I feel like a young chick. I was joking about the fact that those vitamin pills were working awfully fast, seeing as though I’ve only had two of them so far, but I feel like Popeye who’s eaten a can of spinach. I even have muscles in my brain.

In a little while I’m going to clean up the kitchen, which is a job that has been waiting for me for a while now and I’ve been putting it off. I didn’t have the courage to get it done and now it seems like it is nothing at all and I’ll have it done in a jiffy.

Massive Attack is on now, am I in the mood for that? I must see if there is something better. Ha, now I’m listening to Björk. That’s the right kind of music for an early autumn morning.

The cats are keeping me company, but the dog has retreated to the bedroom to sleep on his pillow. He doesn’t like these all nighters. He appreciates his sleep. This will give me a chance to put an extra blanket under the blanket that he sleeps on in the living room. I want to make it as comfortable as possible for him. I don’t want him to get sore elbows. God forbid.

If you sit in other places in your living room, where you normally don’t sit, you notice new dust. It is very irritating, because you realize you’re even sloppier than you thought you were. I must make a bucket of suds and clean the radiators. Oh joy, that’s just the kind of job I was looking forward to. Radiators were designed by men who didn’t think of what dust traps they would be for housewives.

Okay, now I’ve got to clean up the kitchen. Enough of these shenanigans. It’s like all I do is sit here and send out missives. As if I don’t have other things to do.

Have a wonderful day today.

Ciao,
Nora

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>Getting there!

August 2, 2009 at 3:00 pm · Filed under bathroom, bookcase, chores, clothes, hair, hypo mania, ironing, Jesker, kitchen, madness, painting, sculpture, shower, Sunday, trash, Windows, work

>Writing these posts gives me the perfect opportunity to take a breather, because I notice that I don’t necessarily stick to chores of threes, but sort of keep going until I’m too tired to go anymore and I have to stop and do something else. I check my emails and answer them if there are any, that’s a good break, but then I forget to have something to drink and really relax as I am on the edge of my seat, ready to go and tackle the next thing. I work as if there is no tomorrow and for me there isn’t, because I don’t know what my mood will be like tomorrow and this may all be over. I have to grab this opportunity while I can, mad as it is.

So, where was I?

I made a bucket of hot soapy water with dish washing liquid and washed the windows with it with a cloth and a squeegee and I got good results, very clean windows. Then I took the same bucket of hot suds and cleaned all the shelves of the bookcase, but the real surprise came when I got the stepladder and climbed on it and looked on top of the bookcase. Quelle horreur! It was black with dust, so I got my cloth very wet and soapy and applied some elbow grease. I know it is because I smoke that everything gets such a sticky layer of dirt. That’s the price I pay.

Anyway, I am now in the possession of a very clean white bookcase with an empty shelf to put a sculpture on, which I must do in a while. I had a basket sitting in the opening, but decided to add that basket to another basket that was also sitting on a shelf, thereby creating the space. I think I have a sculpture that will fit right in there.

Then I got a bucket of white latex paint out and found a brush and painted some sections of the walls in the kitchen that for whatever reasons had become discolored. I brushed it on in such a way that it’s not immediately obvious that there is a slight difference in the shade of white and when it dries, I don’t think you will notice it.It looks a lot better anyway, but really, that whole kitchen needs to be ripped out and revamped. It’s old and tired and inefficient. I hope the housing corporation does something about them soon.

Then I took a bucket of suds and cleaned the tiles beneath the wash basin in the bathroom and all along the water pipes that run to the shower. That had never been done, as far as I know, especially not all those years that I had been depressed during my sons illness. I cleaned the bottom of the wash basin too and even found spider rag there.

Finally, I took the bucket and emptied it in the shower basin and gave it a quick scrub before all the sudsy water disappeared and that was that.

All I have to do now, besides the chores that are left on my list for tomorrow, is walk Jesker and get the trash ready for tonight to put outside. Then I am going to take a shower and wash my hair and put on my pajamas. Last of all, I am going to do some ironing, because there may be some clothes in the basket that I want to wear tomorrow.

I am really beat now and I am getting tired, so I think I will sleep well tonight, but the whole thing has been a fun experience. I didn’t know I could still do that much work on so little sleep and so little food. I am ready to eat now.

I hope you enjoyed my journey into this slight madness with me. It’s been an incredible experience, like a dream and I am now waking up. I have sore muscles.

Have a good Sunday evening or whatever your time of day is.

See you again soon!

Ciao…

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