Archive for tax offices
>Yawning!
>
Although I’m sitting here with tears running down my face from all the yawning that I’m doing, I don’t want the evening to end yet, because it is quite early still, so I have made myself a cup of coffee and I’m drinking that to keep myself going for a little while longer, although it’s possible that it’s not going to work at all and that I will be forced to go to bed anyway.
In the meantime I’m helping Gandhi escape from the enthusiasm of Tyke and getting her to jump on the dining table, where I had put a folded up blanket, which Tyke has pulled off and is now in the process of “killing.” It is Jesker’s old blanket, but I have a better one for Gandhi to lie on and we will get the better of Tyke yet. I do have to pick sides and Gandhi needs more help. Tyke is quite capable of looking after himself.
I was rudely interrupted while writing this by many emails that needed answering, and as usual I took my time doing that, so now it’s much later and I’ve gotten my second wind. I’m suddenly awake again and ready for an intellectual challenge. I don’t know if that includes writing this post, but I guess I can make it as challenging for myself as I want. Notwithstanding the fact that I’m typing this without the spell check and I can’t use any really difficult words, because I would have to look them up in the dictionary and that would stop the natural flow of words.
I do try to write as quickly as the sentences enter my head and sometimes I’m on a roll, although I do have periods of non-activity when nothing comes and I’m distracted. I’ve been that way my whole life and it caused me some trouble in primary school when I was distracted a lot, in other words, I day dreamed and I still have the tendency to do that now. I call it constructive day dreaming, because I think of things that matter and come up with solutions to odd little problems I’m faced with. It seems that being occupied in one activity stimulates my brain to be active in other areas as well. I suppose I am a multiple use appliance, handy to have around the house.
I did my taxes this afternoon on line and it turned out to be quite painless, because part of the information was already filled in and what I had to fill in was very simple and each question that I had to answer came with an explanation so I would understand the question and if it applied to me. Luckily, my financial situation is very simple and clear cut. There were no complications. It’s probably the easiest tax form that I ever filled out, because I was unmarried for all of last year. I’m going to remember how simple this was, so I won’t procrastinate next year.
I had Iron Nora do the taxes, she’s much more capable than I am and not the least bit intimidated. That woman is handy to have around and my blogging friend Babaloo reminded me to pull her out of the closet for jobs like this that are tougher than the ordinary daily tasks that I’m normally faced with, but I think I can pull her out of the closet whenever I get timid. I’m regularly intimidated by something and I can use a tough woman at moments like that. Especially now that I’m wearing cowboy boots that strengthen my image a great deal.
I have been wearing my brown leather jacket for warmth, but the weather is getting better now and I think I can start wearing my black leather jacket with the zippers and the buttons, which is very cool. It was the first leather jacket I bought and I felt like quite a hip chick when I wore it out of the store. I can wear my green scarf with it, which is an upgrade from the blue and black scarf I’ve been wearing with my brown leather jacket and that used to belong to my mother, so it is very old and it also needs to go into the laundry. The black leather jacket is best worn open, but it’s not quite warm enough for that yet, although tomorrow it’s going to be an incredible 17 degrees Celsius. That’s practically balmy and real spring weather. I can hardly believe my eyes reading that forecast. I’ll wear my jacket open with my green scarf around my neck.
I had three chores to do today and I did them all, except that I didn’t quite finish the last one and then, as it got later in the day, I excused myself from that one and will add it to the chores I will have to do tomorrow. I will have to do three of them tomorrow and maybe four if I’m really gutsy and honest. I don’t write them down, as I know exactly what they are and I don’t forget them. They are lasered into my brain. Three chores aren’t that many to remember. Carrying them out is, because I reach a certain time of the day when I excuse myself from doing work and I only get to play, as if I have a regular paid job.
Actually, my excuse is that I try to keep the stress out of my life, but I think I should test that theory and see if it still applies. If I start doing more than three chores, I will have to start making lists or make the stuff up as I go along. There are always things to do here. I will have must do and can do chores and do the must do chores first. I will have to forego some time on the computer, because it distracts me hugely and is always beckoning me to turn it on.
I reinstalled Windows Vista the other day, because it was acting funny, and as a result I got more space on my hard disk and it also kept all the things I had installed and downloaded myself, even though it said it would put those things separately on the hard disk. I did a complete reinstallment, not an upgrade. I thought it was wonderful and apparently it got rid of some unnecessary junk. Windows Vista is okay, but very often it is murmuring to itself, doing unknown things on line that aren’t apparent and it has many updates. I don’t know why such a big deal was made out of it. The email program is good, but it should be. Would you expect anything less?
It’s late now and I should go to bed, but I’m enjoying myself here. I’ll run out of things to do, though, and be forced to close shop. I’ll go put the clean sheets on the bed. That was the part of the third job that I had not finished. I want to sleep in a clean, good smelling bed tonight. That will be a treat to me.
Goodnight, dear all. I’ll see you all tomorrow, very late in the morning.
Ciao,
Nora
>After a long night.
>
You all know that I was short of sleep after yesterday’s very early morning rising and no nap during the day, which is sort of miraculous for me, because I used to be famous for my naps. So, having lasted all day long on too little sleep, I was worn out by the early evening and I went to bed at eight o’clock and slept until 8 o’clock this morning. I want to say uninterrupted, but I did have to get up to go to the bathroom and another time to let Tyke out who started to bark by the bedroom door. I figured we couldn’t have that, waking up the neighbors, so I released him, but he was back in the bedroom when I woke up this morning and hadn’t gotten into anything while he was out. He probably just wanted to pester Gandhi.
So, I slept twelve hours and it took me an hour to really get my head together after I woke up. I realized I hadn’t taken my medicines when I had been up for an hour and had finished my cup of coffee. It used to be the first thing I did at 7 o’clock in the morning, because I was already awake then. There’s no chance of that happening now.
I also only drink three cups of coffee a day now. I have one in the morning, as opposed to the three I would have to get me functioning at a high enough level. I suppose I needed the caffeine to feel good. I was artificially altering my mood to a better one. I think I drink the morning cup of coffee out of habit now, I wonder if I really need it to get at any sort of level. A cup of tea might do the job too. Anyway. I don’t have another cup of coffee until the afternoon, when I want one for the taste of it, because I do like a Senseo cup of coffee, but I’m very quickly satisfied and hardly ever finish it. Then I have another cup in the early evening for a little bit of a pick me up, but I never completely finish that one either. I think I don’t need the coffee to alter my mood all the time. The medication is working to the point that it makes me feel good at a steady rate all day long and that is one of the things that I noticed very quickly. I’m taking Welbutrin, that also gets sold as Zyban that is used to help people quit smoking. It helps me stop eating.
I’ve taken Tyke for a walk and it is a different experience than taking Jesker for a walk. Tyke is full of life and very alert and curious. He notices everything around him and wants to investigate all. He picks up three different kinds of scents and wants to follow all of them. His nose is constantly to the ground, just like Jesker’s was also. They have that in common. Tyke is also very busy marking his territory and kicking up dirt with his hind legs when he’s done something on a bit of grass. I guess the biggest difference is that he notices noises from far away. Jesker was almost deaf and didn’t really hear anything anymore, but Tyke picks up all the noise that goes on around us and stops and listens and tries to locate where it comes from. He’s a clever little guy.
I’m sure Gandhi would disagree with me, as she constantly has to find her refuge on the dining table. She does get very tired of him and literally attacks him, which he thinks is playful behavior. She has her claws and teeth in his head, but he has such thick, curly hair, that he doesn’t feel anything and thinks it’s all a joke. They clearly miscommunicate. When she wags her tail, he thinks it means the same thing as when he wags his tail. He just totally adores her and thinks she’s there for him to play with all day long just like another little puppy. I should get a little kitten for him to play with, except that I don’t want more cats because of the neighbors. It would be a solution, though.
I hope this isn’t going to be one of my hypomanic ideas in bringing happiness to my dog. I can just see it turn into one of those schemes that’s going to end up badly and I will not have thought it through properly, but act on an impulse. The writing is on the wall. I will figure out a way to get a kitten and that will be the beginning of all my troubles. I have just warned myself while I am still of sound mind. There’s already a devil sitting on my shoulder arguing with me. Maybe that was the little absence I just had. A change of mood.
I must go walk the dog again. I feel I need the exercise. After that I will attempt to do my income taxes. I do have to get serious about that and not be such a ninny. I have until April the first, but I don’t want to postpone it until the last minute. I’m afraid I’ll lose the letter reminding me to do so. I do fear the tax offices and the penalties I may get. I’m an obedient citizen. Just not a very eager one. I do procrastinate when given the chance and only do the things that give me pleasure. Sometimes there’s so very little of that, that it must be taken advantage of. I’m ready for an overdose now.
Have a splendid day, everyone. I must rouse my dog and put him on his leash for a brisk walk.
Ciao,
Nora
>Post-short sleep.
>
I talked to my therapist over the phone yesterday and she really wanted me to come to our appointment at 9 o’clock this morning, because she thought it was important that we talk about things. She said, “Just set you alarm on your mobile phone and it will wake you up.” So okay, I looked up the alarm clock function and set it for 7 am, picked a nice tune and everything and that was it.
I woke up at 4:30 this morning to go to the bathroom and wasn’t done sleeping at all, but when I got back into bed, I started worrying about the alarm going off and if I set it right and if I would hear it, because I was so sleepy that I would not wake up on my own and I would sleep until the late hours of the morning. Finally, I was too concerned to sleep and half awake I got up out of bed and went to the kitchen to make myself a mug of coffee, which I thought would help me chase the sleep from my mind.
Well, it did a little bit, but then I turned on the computer and having your brain put to work always takes care of whatever cobwebs there are left in your head and I properly woke up. I spent my time emailing and after that I took my medicines and got dressed, after careful consideration, and took Tyke for a walk. We went the long way, because we had time, and I figured the fresh air would do me good, because I was starting to cave in a little bit.
I had one more cup of coffee when we got home and then it was time for me to leave. I walked over there and actually felt quite tired and I was just at the point that I was not quite staggering down the sidewalk. On top of that, I had a sore toe from having worn my hiking boots and it made me walk a bit funny. I need to not wear those hiking boots anymore, but give them to the second hand clothing store and buy myself a new pair when my toe heals.
Anuway, I got to my therapist’s office almost too late and I ran into her while she was looking for me. Luckily, she saw right away that I needed a cup of coffee and had one for me within half a minute. She’s a very good therapist.
Amongst other things, we have made a plan for Friday afternoon, when I have to go see my contact person at the Social Security Offices. I am meeting my therapist at her office and we are going over there together and she is going into the interview with me as a back up and a helper. She will help me get some points across and help me ask questions and answer them also. It was her idea, because I’m always having to do everything by myself, and she wants me to get the experience over and done with, because it has been postponed so many times. The deal is, that afterwards I have to take the bus home by myself, because she wants me to do something that requires some independence and assertive action. I can’t argue with that.
Then I walked all the way home, feeling a bit uplifted, but still with a sore toe, and I was planning on taking a nap when I got there. Tyke was beside his usual self when I walked in the door and he had been as good as gold. I think all he does is wait for me to get home while I’m gone and he waits to be naughty until I’m back.
I was having a glass of cold milk and a couple of teaspoons of Nutella, when the intercom rang. It was the Exfactor who had himself walked all the way from the station with a sore knee. He has hurt it in the motorcycle accident he had last year and now it is a knee that keeps bothering him. There’s some damage to the cartilage, I think. He had brought two semolina puddings with berry sauce for me. I said, “You have to take those home. I don’t eat those anymore.” He looked very disappointed, so I accepted them. He’s always bringing me fattening foods. I’m sure there is a deeper psychological reason for that. I don’t have to eat them, of course.
So we had our regular political and sociological discussion and we talked about the animals, but we always do really well when we discuss politics. We solve a lot of problems and they ought to let us sit in parlement. We would know what to do and I’m sure we would have everything straightened out in no time. If only they made me prime minister for a year or two. I would be a firm ruler. I’d push all my measures through with an iron fist. They’d call me Iron Nora. Ha! If only it were that simple. I’d run a one woman show.
The Exfactor stayed for three cups of coffee, which I thought was very nice of him and which I know comes with his realization that I need the company and the conversation. I’m short on both and I need to do something about that. Wanted: smokers who drink coffee and like to discuss politics and animals. If only these were the times of the brown cafés. Those were the days. Coffee, cigarettes, newspapers, good conversations, long afternoons. I’m living my middle age in the wrong era. I’m ripe for -isms and I don’t know where they are.
After the Exfactor left, I took the dog for another walk and we ran into another little dog that was very much interested in a more extended meeting, but his owner didn’t have the patience, much to Tykes disappointment. He likes all dogs and is so happy to see one. He wants to run after them and follow them home to play with. He also likes kids a lot and when we pass the school, and it is playtime, he won’t leave the fence. He stands there until at least some kids come up to it and pet him through the rails and then I can’t get him away from there, except to drag him by his leash. I feel like a real bully then.
I have to do my income taxes for 2009. It’s not going to be too complicated and I can do it on line. I just have to fill in some numbers that I have at hand, but I’m putting it off. Anything to do with taxes causes aggrevation, don’t you think? I’s not like I’m going to get money back. That would be a big surprise. It’s just the darn officialness of it, though the tax people try to be as accessable as they can be. They are extremely helpful on the phone and very efficient. I had to pay for 2008, because I was married for part of that year, though not as much as I had feared. Let’s hope 2009 goes better. As far as I know, I was poor enough.
I’m having a good day so far, No sorry mood has gotten a hold of me yet. I haven’t had my nap yet, but it may still happen. There have been no potholes in the road.
Have a good day. It rained during the night, but it’s been dry all day and now I have to see if the laundry is dry.
Ciao,
Nora
>A brand new day.
>
I’m just finishing my first cup of coffee and trying to properly wake up. I’m convincing myself that I am awake enough to write this post, that I have to in order to get my mind functioning well. I am sure there is some truth to that. I was so befuddled when I woke up, that I thought I would never think straight again. Instead of thinking that this was a mood, though, I realized that it was a temporary condition that would wear off as I woke up more and got my mind together, and that all the things I was worrying about would disappear as soon as I was released from my temporary state of mind. I have to have faith in myself and sometimes I am mighty short of that.
So, I’m not going to take anything too seriously right now and just let things be and not pay too much attention to them. I’ll have another look at them in an hour or so when I have settled down more. In the meantime I can have another cup of coffee and enjoy the quietness of the morning, because Tyke is asleep by my feet and the cats are otherwise occupied.
Several times during the night Tyke climbed on top of me and licked my face and settled down to sleep there. He is quite heavy when you have him lying on your chest, but I didn’t want to move him, because I found it very endearing. I just had to remember to breathe, but I did go back to sleep each time. In between those episodes, there were cats lying on top of me, but they were much lighter, I hardly noticed them. I am glad that I am so popular with the animals, at least as an object to lie down on. They probably love me too, but have an awkward way of showing it sometimes.
I tried to sleep in my bed last night, but for Tyke it was just an opportunity to explore the bedroom and get into all the things I had not thought of moving up higher on the bookcases. Every time I got up and moved the next thing, he found something else that was equally interesting. I finally gave up and moved to the sofa. Today I will have to move things in the bedroom and make it full proof so that there’s nothing left for him to get into. He’s surprisingly innovative, though, and can get to things that I think are impossible to get to. Well, I never did say that I wanted a dull dog, did I?
He’s supposed to be eating his breakfast now, but is continually distracted by the world around him and, because I’m not sitting there with him, it’s going to take him forever to finish what’s in his bowl. I don’t feel like sitting there with him until he’s done. I think he needs to be able to eat on his own. Right now what motivates him is the chance that a cat may try to eat from his bowl, especially Toby. He minds it less if Gandhi does it, but it still will get him to eat… Well, I just gave in and sat with him and got him to eat some more, but I put the rest back in the bag, because he was not interested. He does have to know that there’s a limited time he can eat in. He ate about half of it. Maybe that was enough.
Today is his birthday. He is one year old. Too bad he wouldn’t know why he got a cupcake with a candle on it. To him it’s just a day like any other day and I can’t sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him, because he won’t have a clue.
All this talk about Tyke would have you think that he’s somebody important in my life. I guess you would be right, because things do revolve around him right now. He’s such a little ball of life and busyness that it’s hard to ignore him.
The Exfactor is supposed to come by today and that will be very nice, as I’m out of supplies and I need someone to do groceries for me. My sister is working this week and is leaving for Italy for a week on Saturday, so I’m on my own. This is one of the reasons why I’m so nervous. I have some administrative work to take care of also and I’m not looking forward to it. It has to do with taxes and who ever liked taking care of that? It gives me a stomachache just thinking about it. I find it very difficult to take care of these things and can’t bear the responsibility. I find it hard enough to take care of the day to day living. I really need someone beside me to take care of these things. Sometimes it’s very difficult to be single.
Well, I suppose I’m wide awake now, so there’s no more dawdling to be done. I must get the show on the road. I will look at my paperwork first.
Have a good stress free day. May all the Gods be kind to you.
Ciao,
Nora
>In the long run…
>
Late yesterday afternoon, Tyke and I went for a longer walk, because many of you agreed that he needed more exercise than he was getting on his little short walks with Jesker and I couldn’t agree more. We left at about 4 o’clock and as it gets dark at 6, I figured we had enough time to wander around the neighborhood and pick the best route to follow. He thought it was great and couldn’t move quickly enough from one interesting spot to the next, That meant moving from hedge to hedge and from tree to tree and from one blade of grass to the next. He set the pace and it was fast. He was just not quite pulling my arm out of my socket.
Unfortunately, I had misjudged the weather and wore my warm sweater under my winter coat and after a while I was very hot. It was much warmer outside than I had anticipated. I was also wearing the wrong boots and had sore feet about halfway through the walk. So I lasted 50 minutes and had to call it quits. Tyke easily could have walked another hour or two. Also, my condition isn’t what it used to be. I have gotten used to the relatively short and easy rambles with Jesker and they are nothing compared to a long walk with Tyke.
Today I’m going again, but I’m not going to wear my warm sweater and I’m going to wear my hiking boots in the hope that I will last a little bit longer. I’m going to try and make two longer walks, but it depends on how much sleep I need and how much time that leaves me. I’m up in the middle of the night now after sleeping a few hours. No doubt I will go back to sleep later, but I may be up on time for a morning walk with him that’s a bit longer.
Jesker gets exhausted moving from room to room, so I’m not going to bother taking him for walks anymore, as they seem to wear him out too much anyway. I will let him do his business out back and just take Tyke for walks and make them longer ones, because there is no sense in making these tiny little walks with the three of us. They don’t do any of us any good, least of all Jesker.
I’m worried about Jesker and I don’t think he is going to hang on much longer. I guess what I’m really saying is, that soon I will be faced with the difficult decision that I have to make and that is so hard. But I hear his breathing as he is lying here beside me and it is short and shallow, as if it requires effort. I want him to hang in there a while longer, but really I want to postpone the decision until there is no other choice. Until it is the only obvious thing to do, but I don’t want him to needlessly suffer either. It is tough. I’ve had to had cats put to sleep and I felt bad enough about that. This, however, is my companion and my friend. He’s more than just a dog.
I’ve turned the thermostat down one degree so the heater won’t keep going on and it does make a difference, but I imagine that I’m much colder now, while one degree should not matter all that much. A cup of hot coffee sure tastes good then. I think I’m going to get my end of year bill in June, because that’s when I became a customer of this energy company and I will find out how much extra I will have to pay on top of the monthly payments that I have been making. They’ve calculated me for a one person household, but the winter has been cold, so I may have used more gas than was predicted. I’ve also used the computer a lot, so I may have used more electricity, in spite of my energy saving light bulbs and the fact that I hardly watch TV. So it’s all going to be a big surprise.
I just got two blue envelopes in the mail from the tax office and I thought that maybe they wanted more money from me because of the end of the year calculations, but luckily zero Euros were due. It’s such a relief when the tax people let you know that you don’t owe them anything else. It would be like plucking a naked chicken. There’s no more to go around and they ought to know best. You never know when you get a blue envelope in the mail. It can be good news or bad news. This time it was semi-good news. It would have been better if they had owed me money. That would have been my lucky day.
It’s only going to be 3C today and cloudy. We’ve had such nice weather these past couple of days, that you could almost imagine spring had arrived. Alas, it was of short duration. Next week we’re going to have wintertime again with freezing temperatures and more snow, believe it or not. Such rotten luck! I do hate that and I sincerely hope that’s the last of it, but that’s what I hoped the other week too. Drats! In the north of the country they haven’t been without snow for at least 7 weeks, so that’s much worse. Thank goodness we’re spared that.
Both the dogs are amicably sleeping at my feet as if they’ve never done anything else. There’s room for both of them. Sometimes Tyke snores. It’s very funny to hear such a little dog snore. Every time I get up to go to the kitchen, he follows me in the hope that something exciting will happen and I have to disappoint him every time. It’s not nearly time for him to eat, but he does gobble down his food when he gets it. He acts like a starving person who hasn’t had anything to eat for days or weeks. It’s gone in no time. Jesker is not the least bit interested in eating.
Well, I’ll go and read blogs. I’m behind in that and now is a good time to catch up.
I hope you all have a wonderful day when you get up.
Ciao…
>Slightly funky!
>
I’m feeling slightly funky, as if I’m a diva wearing a new costume and I need to go out on the town and show myself to as many admiring people as I can and have them trip all over themselves as they try to get as close to me as possible, while they bask in the glory that is me, the queen of the night. Oh hallelujah, wouldn’t it be great? The other option is that I sit here and bask in my own limelight that is the desk lamp and enjoy my own good company and keep the secret of my greatness to myself and don’t divulge a word of it to the world at large, but only to you, dear readers, who will keep the secret with me and not call the paparazzi for whatever amount of money.
A woman of a certain age needs her dreams and wants to pretend she’s like Bette Midler and quite glamorous from the top of her head down to her very toes. Or she could even be as ageless as Cher and be in a permanent state of undress and still not look naked. Either way, right now I need to think that I’m a diva and that I’m sitting here in my diva clothes with my cigarette in a fashionable holder, drinking a very dry martini from a delicately cut glass and I’m about to have the night of my life. What I actually do, once my soap bell has been busted, is irrelevant, because I can make this moment last forever. I’ll pretend I’m between engagements now.
Instead of having that dry martini, I’m having a cup of coffee and it tastes mighty fine too. That must be because I’m drinking it from a mug that came all the way from Italy. It gives it something extra. A Mediterranean flavor. I could be drinking it from a mug all the way from Japan, but it is in the dirty dishes and divas don’t do dishes. At least not at this time of the day. This is when they have their fantasies. I’d like to pretend, by the way, that I’m wearing fish net stockings and long black high heeled boots, or do you think that’s too vulgar?
This morning, after I braved the cold in my regular clothes without a jacket on and hung up the laundry to dry outside, I got on my bike and rode it through the snowy, slushy streets to the little post office. There I mailed the ten books and bought stamps for inside the country, for inside Europe and for outside Europe. The cost of sending the books and the cost of the stamps took almost all the cash I had left in my wallet and left me with one Euro and some change to buy filter tubes with. I considered myself very lucky, because it would have been highly embarrassing to stand there without enough money.
When I got home, I called my contact person at Social Services to find out if there was a special reason why my money was not yet in my bank account and he said that, no, there was no reason at all, I had not done anything wrong, and it should show up any minute. That was a relief, because I thought maybe I was being penalized for not keeping my appointment with him and changing it to a later date. You never know how these government agencies work. There are all sorts of mysterious rules.
Then I opened the blue envelope from the Tax Office and saw the amount of income tax they wanted me to pay for 2008 and I thought, “I don’t have that money!” So, I got on the phone and talked to a very nice woman who said that they would give me 6 weeks plus 4 months to pay off the amount. That was not as reasonable as I had hoped, but it was something anyway and I will just have to live on bread and water for that time.
I checked my bank account again and saw that the money was there, so I immediately paid some bills, including the one for the taxes. I hate to have that hanging over my head. I’d rather know how poor I am at the beginning of the coming month, so I know what I can spend at the store. There’s no sense in hanging on to money that really isn’t yours anyway. It just gives you a false sense of security. While I was hanging out in my bank account on line, my balance suddenly got higher and that was because my rent and health insurance subsidies came in and I was happy to see that my health insurance subsidy had increased, because my insurance had gotten more expensive too. Sometimes things do actually work well. I keep looking at the bright side of things. Miss Pollyanna I am. I see a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow.
Time to file the paperwork in a three ring binder that’s getting awfully full and that will need replacing with a new one. Or rather, I will have to start a new one in January and get new tab sheets and start filing things for 2010. Everybody is increasing their rates and nobody asks you if you can afford it. All the extra costs get passed on to the customers and we gleefully sit by and watch and can’t do a thing about it.
Of course, if I were a true diva, I would have a financial manager who would make a mess of things and leave me broke with himself with a large bank account on the Bahamas. This diva is managing her own small fortune herself. It is a little bitty mini fortune, courtesy of the state.
There’s a time to be sad and worried and there’s a time to not give a hoot and right now I don’t care. I’m not going to worry about a bloody thing and just pull up my shoulders and say, “So what?” You can run around in circles and try to get it all right and perfect and the way everybody wants it to be and after that you just have to walk away from it and say you’ve done your best. And blow many raspberries!
Where was I going with this fantasy anyway? I think I need to blow some new soap bubbles. I think as an encore I will sweep the living room floor, because there are a few drifts of dog hair floating around. I hope I can manage that in my high heeled boots. I may have to get out of these drag queen clothes and put on something sensible and middle aged. Socks and slippers, for instance. That’s okay, I was having a bad hair day anyway from wearing that woolly hat all the time. You can’t go out on the town when your hair is statically electrified to your head.
In the meantime, I’ve got to find some work to do. I need to be sensibly occupied. I’m sure if I look around here, I will find a job or two to do. There no shortage of cleaning up to do. There is a shortage of bright light, what with all the energy saving bulbs. I must find a solution for that. Maybe buy bigger bulbs. It does make things a little dim in here and I may miss some of the dirt. Other people would wait for daylight, but I must find something to pour my spare energy into and I’m not going to the disco, I don’t think they’re open on a Monday night.
It never did rain today and the snow is still here and now the prediction for rain that was up there earlier for tomorrow is gone. Now we have no clouds and moonshine. I wonder how my laundry is doing outside. I may have to bring it inside if my other laundry on the drying rack is dry. At least that will be a job I can do. Oh good! Never did a housewife get so excited about laundry, but that is because it means clean clothes for me to wear and I’m all for having a large choice of them.
Right, this diva is returning to her regular housewife status, but don’t think I’m really a regular housewife, because I’m not. I’m wearing Turkish pants and how many housewives do you know outside Turkey who do? It’s been a treat to pass the time with you, but I really must go do something sensible now. I only wish it weren’t so cold and dark by the clothesline.
Have a good evening, do all the things I would do and then some.
Ciao,
Nora
>Sunday in the wee hours.
>
I went to bed at 7 pm last night. I was so tired and basically all I had done all day was sit behind the computer, but I suppose that can wear you out also. I read my book for just a little while and then went to sleep and slept for eight hours, which I think is pretty darn good. I was surprised when I looked at the alarm clock and saw what time it was when I woke up. Of course, it is still early in the morning, but that just leaves me a lot of time to sit here behind the computer and have wonderful cups of coffee and cigarettes and do as I please until the day really starts. By that I mean, when the sun comes up and I have to get dressed and walk the dog and do a serious task instead of just sitting here enjoying myself.
It is only -7C outside, so not as cold as it was the night before last. Cold enough for the heater to go on every once in awhile, so it is nice and pleasant in the apartment. I have some lights on so I don’t sit here in the dark too much, I mean not only with the desk lamp on, and it is very cozy. It makes me feel safe and comfortable, as if all is well with the world for right now. You do have to get your small moments of joy out of the day as much as possible and you have to find them in the little things that are very near and dear to you, such as being in your own safe and quiet space with the lights on and the cold and dark world outside. It makes you appreciate being warm and comfortable very much.
The dog is always where I am. Every once in a while he goes and finds a more comfortable place to lie down, but he always returns here to lie beside me on the rug, as if he is attached to me by an invisible cord that is unbreakable. I find such loyalty very endearing and I always find myself looking at him sleep and being so taken with that. A dog is such an innocent animal and so totally dependent on you. I always have to be steadfast and true to him, so as to not confuse him and to always make him feel secure and make his life predictable. Sometimes he gives me that look as if to say, “Is everything okay? Yes? Alright then!” Then he continues to do whatever he was doing. He assumes he is safe and safe he is, especially now that he is as good as deaf and doesn’t see well. He gets treated with extra special care.
I have a good camera, but I sure do forget to use it a lot. I don’t think I have even photographed my last two paintings. I must remember to do that and show those on my art blog. I always have my camera in my purse, but then forget all about it. I am not an opportunity photographer. I don’t walk around the world seeing good shots. I would only do that if I had my camera in my hand and consciously thought about it. It is really a shame, because I’m probably missing all sorts of photo opportunities. Then again, maybe photography doesn’t come to me naturally, or I would do it more instinctively. I think some people have a real gift for it and see the world the way you would see it through the lens of a camera constantly. Every once in a while I see a scene that I think would make a good photograph, but then I forget that I have my camera right in my purse and that I can take a photo right then and there. I suppose I haven’t developed the freedom to do that and the instincts to go with it. I’m too inhibited. I guess if I have to make a resolution for the New Year, it is to use my camera more often, although I’m not a great believer in resolutions, because very often they are false promises you make to yourself. It is my intention to use my camera more often, let’s put it that way. If I actually do it is something we will have to wait and see about.
It’s the same way with doing art. I haven’t done any at home for quite awhile. Now, I know why this is. I’m missing some essential ingredients to make the things I want to make, but still, that’s only partly an excuse. I can’t seem to get into art making at home the way I do at therapy. Of course, I don’t have the right place to do it, except for the dining table where I always have to clean everything up immediately or else the cats will walk all over it. I have to get a table and a good lamp to put in my bedroom and get the other ingredients that I need to be able to make the art I want to create. If I was really interested, I would be getting this done, but it is like so many other things. I postpone it indefinitely, as if it is going to happen by itself some day magically, forgetting that I have to be the moving force behind it. I think I’m waiting for that spark of inspiration and interest to hit me. The one that will set me on fire a little bit. The one that makes me manic, without actually becoming fully manic.
So, you see I’m not living up to my potential in many ways and that is because of my very low energy level. Because I spend more time sitting and getting nothing much accomplished than I do moving about and being engaged in something. I have a big mental block that I can’t get past. It’s like a huge boulder on the road and I can’t get around it, so I idle my time away in front of it. Every day I tell myself that this is the day that it’s going to be different, and every day is a repeat of the day before and I achieve hardly anything. A depressed mind is a terrible thing to carry around with you. It is heavy and burdensome and nothing but a frustrating load to bear.
But now I must be cheerful, because it’s still early in the morning and nothing can touch me yet. I can make myself another cup of coffee and wile away my time a little bit longer. Of course. I have to remember that it’s Sunday and a day of rest and that not much bad can happen to you on a Sunday. It’s everybody’s day off. Even the tax office, whose blue envelope I have lying unopened on the coffee table and which I will open today. A blue envelope is never any good. That’s why it’s colored blue, so you won’t miss it in the mail and say you didn’t get it. I’m not going to worry about it. Whatever bad news is in there, I will deal with. They are not the evil stepmother and I am not a helpless Snow White. There is no Prince Charming in this story.
It would be ever so nice if there were a Fairy Cleaning Crew that would come and Micro Clean the apartment. I have a feeling that if it were clean once and for all, I would be able to keep it clean, but maybe that is a delusion. It is nice to believe in fairy tales, though. Maybe I need some wicked step sisters to put to work while I go to the ball. Oh no, that would be too much work. I would have to get all jazzed up in my finest and wear high heels and a low cut dress. I don’t think so in this weather. Not unless I got to wear a fake fur coat that was especially warm.
Well, I guess that’s about it for me for this morning. I hope I’ve kept you pleasantly entertained. I’ve kept myself entertained, that’s for sure. It made the time pass quickly and I still can do all sorts of things.
I hope you all have a good morning and the best of days, this Sunday before Christmas.
Ciao,
Nora
>In my pajamas.
>
It was already past 1 pm and I was sitting here in my pajamas reading blogs and drinking glasses of multi vitamin juice, being a woman of leisure with nothing better to do but smoke numerous cigarettes and leave astute comments behind, when finally Jesker decided that he had digested his food well enough and that it was time to go out and do his business and leave his mark on the various bushes and lamp posts in the neighborhood.
This meant I had to get dressed and get my unruly, ‘sticking up all over the place hair’ in order. I did this by rubbing a damp washcloth over it and that worked just fine and I ended up with exactly the right hairdo so, as they say, you learn something new every day. Now I have washcloth hair that you apply hairspray to and that is extremely fashionable and wouldn’t look out of place on the catwalk. I just need the body to go with it, but in my upbeat mind, I already have it and can’t be persuaded to think anything else, so I act like I do.
Honestly, I have such a high opinion of myself, that I regularly need to be scraped off the ceiling and when I go outside, I should be weighed down by a ball and chain or I would escape gravity. Just now Jesker served that purpose. At the moment, I don’t have a humble bone in my body and they are all light as air.
It can’t be the weather that is making me feel this way, because we started the day off with showers, some of them pretty hefty. Jesker didn’t even want to go out back in them and did a piddle on a weed that was growing in a crack by the wall of the apartment just outside the door. He has no sense of decorum whatsoever. Maybe it will kill the weed and I won’t have to pull it out, but it’s a pretty tall one and well established.
That goes to show you how much I let nature take its course out back. All growing things go their own way. I have some very pretty flowering weeds in the flowerbeds that I refuse to pull out. The flowers are dainty and pink and it looks like someone planted them there. Nothing can kill them, because Jesker piddles on them too. Besides, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth. We walk in nature to see these things grow in their natural habitat.
I’m wearing a sun dress with a short cardigan over it and leggings and my boots that I like the best. The shrinkage of my stomach encourages me to try on some different clothes and to walk prouder. I imagine everyone can see that there are 6 kilos missing, but that may be my own assumption.
I assume a lot nowadays. Like knowing what’s best for the world and how to solve all of its problems. I’d have firing squads for all corrupt government officials all over the world. Especially those leading African countries and I would put women in charge there and imprison any man who would try to rise to the political top. God, I would be a despot.
I suppose I feel like a despot right now in the sense that I think I’m always right and that I can’t give a wrong answer to a problem. A sort of omnipotence has entered my being. I feel like a small god, small being very relative, of course. Small in the sense of the universe, but not in the sense of the human scale. Maybe I have ‘world leader madness’ and you are supposed to have this when you have high political ambitions. Maybe Obama has it and maybe even the Pope.
But look at me, I’m not even a big fish in a little pond, although secretly I think differently and I think I am God’s gift to the world. A well hidden treasure like the Grail and some day my true purpose will be revealed. All mad people must have a special destiny, don’t you think? They are the oracles for their generation. Maybe they are the prophets. I better start to speak very sagely now and in parables.
I have to keep my wits about me in this hypomanic mood and not get derailed. I am going to try and be a good observer of myself and see how I handle various situations and various people. Contrary to what I thought in the past, that a hypomanic mood had to be suppressed as quickly as possible, I’m allowing myself to have this one and to learn from it what I can.
My experiences and interpretations will be different than when I am in another mood and I want to take advantage of that and integrate these lessons into my thoughts about myself and the world around me. I don’t want to waste the opportunity to see things from a different angle and from a way more secure and upbeat point of view. I am not going to suppress it with medication.
Saturday’s mail is laying unopened on the dining table. It was late yesterday when I got it out of my mailbox and I excused myself from opening it. Today my excuse is that it is Sunday and that I don’t do any work on the day of rest, as nobody else is doing any either. There is an official looking envelop from the Tax Office and I hardly dare open it. I don’t know what sort of news it will bring me as it’s coming quite unexpected.
I know curiosity will get the better of me and that I will open it later today and deal with whatever is inside. I just hope they don’t want money, because I don’t have any to go around. I am already thinking about not spending the money on the grasses for the pots and the frames for the collages.
I am such a penny pincher, I sit on my money and make every dime last. It’s a sport to only spend a certain amount of money on groceries and tobacco each week and I’m doing great. Last year I was in constant danger of breaking the bank, but I have a completely different attitude now. I guard my money like a mother lioness guards her cubs. Even now when I’m hypomanic. Wild horses can’t drag me to the stores to spend money on clothes and other items that I don’t need. Besides, I’m shrinking into some clothes again.
My glasses? Well, I needed them. I look good and can see well and I wear them from the moment I get up until I go to sleep at night.
I bought a 2 kilo bag of cat food for 2 Euros and the cats like it better than the more expensive Gourmet and Felix cat food. They eat it and ignore what’s in the other dish. Well, they are welcome to. As long as they eat with a good appetite and don’t sit there and mope in front of their dishes I am happy. That’s what they were doing, moping, like, “Do we have to eat this awfully expensive food?”
I also bought some different dried dog food for Jesker, because he also eats that, but just like his other dried food, it’s only partially successful. He eats it with reluctance. Halfheartedly to tie him over until he gets his real food. He looks at me as if to say, “Woman, what have you wrought now?” You see how I have many telepathic dialogs with the animals. Well, it’s silent from their side, I actually talk out loud to them.
Alright then, not because I’m running out of things to say, but because it’s a long enough post, I will end it here. It’s a true pleasure to sit here and just ramble on to my heart’s contend. I could do this all afternoon and start a novelette.
I hope you’re all having a good Sunday and something better than the gray rainy one we’re having here, although personally it doesn’t bother me, there’s something cozy about it.
Ciao…
>Another day, but not another dollar…
>Actually, that isn’t quite true. I got my specification in the mail from Social Services today and they are really and truly giving me my complete welfare payment this month. I was shocked and looked at the figure several times to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating or reading it wrong, but no, it really says that I’m getting it, so maybe things are looking up for me for a change. It would be so wonderful if for a few months everything would go without a hitch. I have become so used to hitches, that I am afraid to open the mailbox for fear of what bad news it will bring me. Now, at least Social Services seems all straightened out. I just need the Tax Offices to come to their senses now. Hopefully they will see the error of their ways quickly too.
Again, for the umpteenth day in a row, I have hardly done anything, but I must add that I did hardly anything in a much better frame of mind and I am much less disconnected and absentminded and removed from reality, so the extra dose of Risperdal is working and that was a good move on the part of my SPN, because I would not have thought of it myself.
Because she is going to come and visit me on Monday, I have designated tomorrow as housecleaning day and I will really go to town then and have this place sparkle, ahum…let me not exaggerate that. It will be picked up and semi clean and if you want to you can try and eat of the floors, but I would not recommend it. I am not washing the windows, for instance, that would be silly and give a wrong representation of myself.
I have hung up the icon and feel very virtuous now. Mary’s eyes follow me all around the room and keep check on everything I do. I have to be good for her sake as she is holding a little adult looking version of Jesus. Two angels hover near her head, doubtlessly whispering virtuous messages into her ears. “You are holding the son of god, be good for goodness sake.” Joseph is nowhere in the picture, he just played a supporting role.
I wonder about these nuns committing themselves as brides to Jesus and never knowing the pleasures of the flesh. Were they unfulfilled as women, although I could live as a nun now, but I am 54 and past menopause. Obviously, they never felt the need to beautify themselves and to only be another identically clad member of their order.
That reminds me, when I was dressed in my rock and roll clothes the other day, and tripping down the sidewalk downtown, I crossed glances with a nun and she gave me a big smile. I wonder what she was thinking? There but for the grace of God go I, oh, you misguided woman, you? I do have a soft spot for nuns, because I can never decide if they are misguided or heavenly inspired and tougher than us. If they have a serenity that we will never achieve?
I told the Exfactor that he should be glad that he lives in a nunnery, because all of his ghosts that will come to haunt him will be kind and holy and watch out over him. I wonder how they feel about sex, though? Maybe they’ll toss one of the commandments at him on a stone slate. Maybe I should pray to the icon and light a candle there. Does Mary listen to heathens?
Well, one thing there is no shortage of around here is blasphemy in the most respectful way. The Dutch think they are the lost tribe of Israël.
I bought myself 3 pairs of leggings today, as I have come to enjoy wearing them better than my jeans and I do like wearing skirts and dresses. I like the thick cotton leggings the best, as they keep me warmest, but you can layer them also, a thin pair under a thicker pair with warm socks. I bought a bright blue wooden bead necklace for 6 euros and I’m wearing it now and it is very cheerful. One of my necklaces broke, but I am an optimist and consider myself lucky in that all my necklaces break while I’m at home, so I haven’t lost one yet. Knock on wood.
It is strictly forbidden to smoke in the train station and you can get a fine, but last night, I and 2 other women did just that when our train was delayed by 10 minutes and we were bored waiting. The platform was nearly deserted and we saw no one official looking and took a chance. I was going to speak English if they caught me and plead ignorance.
One time I smoked in the ladies toilet when I was at the airport in Amsterdam, that’s how badly I needed a cigarette. Damned the fine. Café owners are letting their patrons light up inside and then en mass call the cops, who then as a result become so overwhelmed with work that they can’t go to all the cafés to enforce the new law. There is anarchy in the country about this. The law will falter and become history. You can’t tell a Dutchman what he can’t do. Coffee shop owners were told that their patrons couldn’t smoke their hash on the premises and that they had to stand on the sidewalk, which caused a problem, so the police sent them back inside.
A government led by Christian Democrats is not a free government, but a government that wants to tell you what’s good for you.
Don’t get me started…the socialist in me gets very frustrated. I just received a book in the mail from my political party called ‘Modern Socialism’ and I will be reading that carefully.
Now it’s time for me to take the Überhund for his walk and get some fresh air, although it will be cold air. Never mind. I’ll put on layers and not suffer.
Ciao….
Another Splendid Day 